Room_ A Novel - Emma Donoghue [41]
“No way Jose.”
“I’m telling you the truth. You’re going to enjoy the world so much. Wait till you see the sun when it’s going down, all pink and purple . . .”
I yawn.
“Sorry,” she says, whispering again, “come on into bed.”
I look to see if the trash bag is gone, it is. “Was Old Nick here?”
“Yeah. I told him you were coming down with something. Cramps, diarrhea.” Ma’s voice is nearly laughing.
“Why you—?”
“That way he’ll start believing our trick. Tomorrow night, that’s when we’ll do it.”
I yank my hand out of hers. “You shouldn’t told him that.”
“Jack—”
“Bad idea.”
“It’s a good plan.”
“It’s a stupid dumbo plan.”
“It’s the only one we’ve got,” says Ma very loud.
“But I said no.”
“Yeah, and before that you said maybe, and before that you said yes.”
“You’re a cheater.”
“I’m your mother.” Ma’s nearly roaring. “That means sometimes I have to choose for both of us.”
We get into Bed. I curl up tight, with her behind me.
I wish we got those special boxing gloves for Sundaytreat so I’d be allowed hit her.
• • •
I wake up scared and I stay scared.
Ma doesn’t let us flush after poo, she breaks it all up with the handle of Wooden Spoon so it’ll look like poo soup, it smells the worst.
We don’t play anything, we just practice me being floppy and not saying one single word. I feel a bit sick for real, Ma says that’s just the power of suggestion. “You’re so good at pretending, you’re even tricking yourself.”
I pack my backpack again that’s really a pillowcase, I put Remote in and my yellow balloon, but Ma says no. “If you have anything with you, Old Nick will guess you’re running away.”
“I could hide Remote in my pants pocket.”
She shakes her head. “You’ll just be in your sleep T-shirt and underwear, because that’s what you’d be wearing if you were really scorching hot with a fever.”
I think about Old Nick carrying me into the truck, I’m dizzy like I’m going to fall down.
“Scared is what you’re feeling,” says Ma, “but brave is what you’re doing.”
“Huh?”
“Scaredybrave.”
“Scave.”
Word sandwiches always make her laugh but I wasn’t being funny.
Lunch is beef soup, I just suck the crackers.
“Which bit are you worrying about right now?” asks Ma.
“The hospital. What if I don’t say the right words?”
“All you have to do is tell them your mother’s locked up and the man who brought you in did it.”
“But the words—”
“What?” She waits.
“What if they don’t come out at all?”
Ma leans her mouth on her fingers. “I keep forgetting you’ve never talked to anybody but me.” I wait.
Ma lets her breath out long and noisy. “Tell you what, I have an idea. I’ll write you a note for you to keep hidden, a note that explains everything.”
“Good-o.”
“You just give it to the first person—not a patient, I mean, the first person in a uniform.”
“What’ll the person do with it?”
“Read it, of course.”
“TV persons can read?”
She stares at me. “They’re real people, remember, just like us.”
I still don’t believe that but I don’t say.
Ma does the note on a bit of ruled paper. It’s a story all about us and Room and Please send help a.s.a.p., that means super fast. Near the start, there’s two words I never saw before, Ma says they’re her names like TV persons have, what everybody in Outside used to call her, it’s only me who says Ma.
My tummy hurts, I don’t like her to have other names that I never even knowed. “Do I have other names?”
“No, you’re always Jack. Oh, but—I guess you’d have my last name too.” She points at the second one.
“What for?”
“Well, to show you’re not the same as all the other Jacks in the world.”
“Which other Jacks? Like in the magic stories?”
“No, real boys,” says Ma. “There are millions of people out there, and there aren’t enough names for everyone, they have to share.”
I don’t want to share my name. My tummy hurts harder. I don’t have a pocket so I put the note inside my underwear, it’s scratchy.
The light’s all leaking away. I wish the day stayed longer so it wouldn’t be night.
It’s 08:41 and I’m in Bed practicing. Ma’s filled a plastic bag with really hot water and tied it tight so none spills