Room_ A Novel - Emma Donoghue [47]
“Keep it at the front. If by any chance you drop it, you can just tell them, ‘I’ve been kidnapped.’ Say it, just like that.”
“I’ve been kidnapped.”
“Say it good and loud so they can hear.”
“I’ve been kidnapped,” I shout.
“Fantastic. And they’ll call the police,” says Ma, “and—I guess the police will look in the backyards all around till they find Room.” Her face isn’t very certain.
“With the blowtorch,” I remember her.
We practice and practice. Dead, Truck, Wriggle Out, Jump, Run, Somebody, Note, Police, Blowtorch. That’s nine things. I don’t think I can keep them in my head all at the same time. Ma says of course I can, I’m her superhero, Mr. Five.
I wish I was still four.
For lunch I get to choose because it’s a special day, it’s our last one in Room. That’s what Ma says but I don’t actually believe it. I’m suddenly starving hungry, I choose macaroni and hot dogs and crackers, that’s like three lunches together.
All the time we’re playing Checkers, I’m being scared of our Great Escape, so I lose twice, then I don’t want to play anymore.
We try a nap but we can’t switch off. I have some, the left then the right then the left again till there’s nearly none left.
We don’t want any dinner neither of us. I have to put the vomity T-shirt back on. Ma says I can keep my socks. “Otherwise the street might be sore on your feet.” She wipes her eye, then the other one. “Wear your thickest pair.”
I don’t know why she’s crying about socks. I go in Wardrobe to find Tooth under my pillow. “I’m going to tuck him down my sock.”
Ma shakes her head. “What if you stand on it and hurt your foot?”
“I won’t, he’ll stay right here at the side.”
It’s 06:13, that’s getting nearly to be the evening. Ma says I really should be wrapped up in Rug already, Old Nick might possibly come in early because of me being sick.
“Not yet.”
“Well . . .”
“Please not.”
“Sit right here, OK, so I can wrap you up in a rush if we need to.”
We say the plan over and over to practice me of the nine. Dead, Truck, Wriggle Out, Jump, Run, Somebody, Note, Police, Blowtorch.
I keep twitching every time I hear the beep beep but it’s not real, just imagining. I’m staring at Door, he’s all shiny like a dagger. “Ma?”
“Yeah?”
“Let’s do it tomorrow night instead.”
She leans over and hugs me tight. That means no.
I’m hating her again a bit.
“If I could do it for you, I would.”
“Why can’t you?”
She’s shaking her head. “I’m so sorry it has to be you and it has to be now. But I’ll be there in your head, remember? I’ll be talking to you every minute.”
We go over Plan B lots more times. “What if he opens Rug?” I ask. “Just to look at me dead?”
Ma doesn’t say anything for a minute. “You know how hitting is bad?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, tonight is a special case. I really don’t think he will, he’ll be in a hurry to, to get the whole thing over with, but if by any chance—what you do is, hit him as hard as you can.”
Wow.
“Kick him, bite him, poke him in the eyes—” Her fingers stab the air. “Anything at all so you can get away.”
I can’t believe this hardly. “Am I allowed kill him even?”
Ma runs over to Cabinet where the things dry after washing up. She picks up Smooth Knife.
I look at his shine, I think about the story of Ma putting him on Old Nick’s throat.
“Do you think you could hold this tight, inside the rug, and if —” She stares at Smooth Knife. Then she puts him back with the forks on Dish Rack. “What was I thinking?”
How would I know if she doesn’t?
“You’ll stab yourself,” says Ma.
“No I won’t.”
“You will, Jack, how could you not, you’ll cut yourself to ribbons, lashing around inside a rug with a bare blade—I think I’m losing my mind.”
I shake my head. “It’s right here.” I tap on her hair.
Ma strokes my back.
I check Tooth is in my sock, the note is in my underwear at the front. We sing to make the time go, but quietly. “Lose Yourself” and “Tubthumping” and “Home on the Range.”
“ ‘Where the deer and the antelope play—,’ ” I sing.
“ ‘Where seldom is heard a discouraging word—’ ”
“ ‘And