Roots_ The Saga of an American Family - Alex Haley [142]
Kunta’s nose located the outhouse. Each day, he held back his urges until he knew that most of them were out at their tasks in the fields, and then—carefully making sure that no one was nearby—he would go crutching quickly across the short distance to make use of the place, and then get safely back.
It was a couple of weeks before Kunta began to make brief ventures beyond that nearby hut, and the hut of slave row’s cooking woman, who wasn’t Bell, he was surprised to discover. As soon as he was well enough to get around, Bell had stopped bringing him his meals—or even visiting. He wondered what had become of her—until one day, as he was standing in his doorway, he caught sight of her coming out the back door of the big house. But either she didn’t see him or she pretended not to, as she walked right past him on her way to the outhouse. So she was just like the others after all; he had known it all along. Less often, Kunta caught glimpses of the tall toubob, who was usually getting into a black-covered buggy that would then go hurrying away, with its two horses being driven by a black who sat on a seat up front.
After a few more days, Kunta began to stay outside his hut even when the field workers returned in the evening, shambling along in a tired group. Remembering the other farm he had been on, he wondered why these black ones weren’t being followed by some toubob with a whip on a horse. They passed close by Kunta—without seeming to pay him any attention at all—and disappeared into their huts. But within a few moments most of them were back outside again going about their chores. The men did things around the barn, the women milked cows and fed chickens. And the children lugged buckets of water and as much firewood as their arms could carry; they were obviously unaware that twice as much could be carried if they would bundle the wood and balance it, or the water buckets, on their heads.
As the days passed, he began to see that although these black ones lived better than those on the previous toubob farm, they seemed to have no more realization than the others that they were a lost tribe, that any kind of respect or appreciation for themselves had been squeezed out of them so thoroughly that they seemed to feel that their lives were as they should be. All they seemed to be concerned about was not getting beaten, having enough to eat and somewhere to sleep. There weren’t many nights that Kunta finally managed to fall asleep before lying awake burning with fury at the misery of his people. But they didn’t even seem to know that they were miserable. So what business was it of his if these people seemed to be satisfied with their pathetic lot? He lay feeling as if a little more of him was dying every day, that while any will to live was left to him, he should try to escape yet again, whatever the odds or the consequences. What good was he anymore—alive or dead? In the twelve moons since he was snatched from Juffure—how much older than his rains he had become.
It didn’t help matters any that no one seemed to have found any kind of useful work for Kunta to do, though he was getting around ably enough on his crutches. He managed to convey the impression that he was occupied sufficiently by himself and that he had no need or desire to associate with anybody. But Kunta sensed that the other blacks didn’t trust him any more than he trusted them. Alone in the nights, though, he was so lonely and depressed, spending hours staring up into the darkness, that he felt as if he were falling in upon himself. It was like a sickness spreading within him. He was amazed and ashamed to realize that he felt the need for love.
Kunta happened to be outside one day when the toubob’s buggy rolled into the yard