Running With Scissors_ A Memoir - Augusten Burroughs [96]
Today, we happened to be on a whale watch, off the coast of Cape Cod. I was in cutoff jeans and a Fruit of the Loom T-shirt and Natalie was in her uniform because it was the only thing besides her bathing suit that she packed. “Aren’t you hot in that thing?”
Natalie wiped her arm across her forehead. Her hair was pasted to the sides of her face with sweat. “Yeah, it’s pretty hot. But it gets hotter at the restaurant, take my word for it.”
I had to take her word for it, because I didn’t work at McDonald’s. And it wasn’t fair. We’d been applying for the same jobs together forever, and neither of us had any experience. So why, finally, would they chose one and not the other? “Maybe they didn’t like your sneaky eyes,” was Natalie’s in-depth analysis.
As a result, I had no money as usual, except a twenty Hope loaned me, and Natalie had a hundred and seventy-five dollars because she’d just received her first paycheck. So she was footing the bill for our little trip.
“Is that a whale?” Natalie said, squinting and pointing out to sea.
“It’s just a lousy old garbage bag,” the lady next to us offered. “I saw that five minutes ago. Took four goddamn pictures of it too, before I realized. Four perfectly good pictures, down the toilet. What am I going to do with four pictures of a trash bag? If we keep cruising through garbage, I won’t have any film left when one of those fishes finally does show up.”
We slid down the railing away from her. “Crazy old bitch,” Natalie muttered under her breath.
“God, I hate old people,” I said. “They’re so senile. Why isn’t she locked away in a nursing home?”
“She should be. I hope she falls overboard.”
Natalie scanned the surface of the water looking for a whale. “I wish I had sunglasses. I left them in the room with my stupid earrings. I feel naked without my earrings.”
“You look fine. I mean, nobody’s going to notice that you’re not wearing earrings. When you’re wearing a McDonald’s uniform.”
“You know something? I hated this uniform at first, but now I like it.” She did a deep knee bend. “It’s the only thing I own that fits. I’m always ragging on Agnes for wearing polyester, but I have to say”—she did another knee bend and then a kick—“there’s really something to be said for being able to move. I don’t think I can go back to wearing jeans.”
“Yeah, but you can’t just wear that uniform everywhere. I mean, people will think you’re a freak.”
“No they won’t,” she snorted. “They’ll think I’m a career girl who just got off from work.”
“And decided to go on a whale watch?”
“Oh, these people don’t even notice. They’re all looking out there trying to see whales which are never gonna show up.”
I reached into my back pocket and pulled out my pack of Marlboro Lights. I tried lighting a cigarette, but the wind kept blowing the match out. “Here, stand in front of me,” I said. “Block the wind.”
Natalie moved sideways, and I learned in close and struck a match.
“Hey, watch it,” she said. “This uniform is flammable.”
There was nothing better than fresh air, sunshine and a cigarette. “It’s great out here. How come we don’t take trips more often?”
“Because we never have any money. Besides, there’s always some crisis or something back at the house that stops us.”
“Yeah.”
For awhile, we stared out at the ocean, not talking, just looking. If there were whales out there, they sure weren’t coming to visit our boat.
“Do you think they’d serve us beer?” Natalie asked.
“You mean inside?”
“Yeah.”
“No.”
“Why not? We look eighteen. It’s worth a shot. There’s nothing to do out here, that’s for sure.”
We walked inside and felt immediate relief to be out of the sun. There was a line at the snack bar, so we joined it.
“I could go for a hot dog,” Natalie said.
“That’s a good idea. Test the limits of your uniform.”
“Fuck you.”
“You wish.”
“May I help you?” the girl at the counter asked. Then she took a double-take at Natalie’s Introducing Chicken McNuggets! button and smirked.
“Two beers, whatever you have on tap.”
The girl eyed us suspiciously, then turned around and poured our beers.