Russka - Edward Rutherfurd [299]
He considered.
‘She has a round, simple face; blue eyes, fair hair. Her cheeks get a little too red. She’s entirely innocent, though not stupid.’ He paused. ‘I should certainly be grateful, but I suppose my years with you have left me finding all other women inadequate.’
‘How charming he is, this gallant monsieur.’ Her lips twitched with amusement. ‘And do you include the empress amongst these other women, may I ask?’
He laughed. In fact, he had sometimes wondered whether this affair with an older woman would be helpful in coming to terms with the now ageing body of Catherine. He guessed not.
‘I was speaking,’ he smiled, ‘of women, not of the Russian Empire!’
A certain look told him that there was no need to say more. Her bedroom lay up a little staircase and he followed her there.
How lovely, how desirable she still was, as she slowly stretched and then, luxuriously, arched her slim, pale body. He smelt the thick, musk-like scent that was one of the secrets about her he had learned to cherish. He moved his hand softly over her breast.
Did a lover, he wondered, in the great act of passion, gain a glimpse of eternity? Possibly. In his love of Adelaide, this ten-year passion which defied the passing of the years, he did not think he saw eternity, but rather something else which he preferred. Their love, it sometimes seemed to him, was like a drop of amber which has trapped some tiny animal, centuries ago, in its warm embrace – and in doing so, captured the sunlight itself from that distant, long-forgotten day. He liked the analogy. The amber falls to the earth and is buried; yet it is preserved, as long as the earth shall last, he thought. At other times, he felt as if he and Adelaide were together on the vast, endless plain, enjoying their brief, passionate moment before they disappeared. And because their physical love was complete, he felt: This is enough. This is what I am. When it is done, I am content to be no more. And if the great darkness that followed was eternity, then he saw that too. One thing at least was certain. When he encountered Adelaide’s body he knew with certainty that this, and this alone, was his true homecoming and that, for the rest of his life, it would be his years with her against which all things would be compared.
For Adelaide, it was a little different. She did not look for eternity because to her that meant only age, and death. She knew that all sensations are passing. When she was younger, as her mind drifted after lovemaking, she would sometimes feel like a little boat, floating away upon a huge ocean; but nowadays, the images and sensations which came into her thoughts were rather different, and she felt herself more often a spectator watching the progress of her own life: at which times it seemed to her that she and her lover were not in a boat, but rather upon an island, slowly eroding in the middle of a river, and that the river was the passing of the years.
It was past one in the morning when Alexander woke. After making love he had fallen into a sudden, deep sleep; but it had been troubled, for an image had repeatedly come to him – he was not sure how many times – so vivid, so insistent, that it seemed more like a vision than an ordinary dream.
It was the countess. She was very pale as she rose up before him; she had an accusing look on her face and, for no reason he could understand, she was shaking a reproving finger at him and saying, in a voice that seemed to explain the whole universe: ‘Voltaire. Voltaire.’ The fact that this made no particular sense did not make it any less impressive or alarming.
He woke up with a shiver and lay for several minutes collecting his thoughts. It was comforting that Adelaide was dozing beside him: her pale form was not quite covered and after a little while he began to feel better. He looked at her. Could he make love again? He thought so. As he touched her lightly, her eyes slowly opened and she smiled a little drowsily. ‘You want more?’
He was looking down at her; his mouth began to part in a grin.
‘Ah, I see.’ She reached out her