Samantha at Saratoga [38]
piece. You would say I wuz a swearin'." Sez I coldly, (or as cold as I could with my blood heated by the voyalence and rapidity of the walk he had been a leadin' me,) "There is a Van in front of it. Van Dam haint swearin'." "You would say it wuz if I used it," sez he reproachfully. "If I should fall down on the ice, or stub my toe, and trip up on the meetin' house steps, and I should happen to mention the name of that street about the same time, you would say I wuz a swearin'." I did not reply to him; I wouldn't. And ag'in he hurried me on'ards by some good lookin' bildin's, and trees, and tavrens, and cottages, and etc., etc., and we come to Caroline street, and Jane, and Matilda, and lots of wimmen's names. And Josiah sez, "I'll bet the man that named them streets wuz love sick!" But he wuzn't no such thing. It was a father that owned the land, and laid out the streets, and named 'em for his daughters. Good old creeter! I wuzn't goin' to have him run at this late day, and run down his own streets too. But ag'in Josiah hurried me on'ards. And bimeby we found ourselves a standin' in front of a kind of a lonesome lookin' house, big and square, with tall pillows in front. It wuz a standin' back as if it wuz a kinder a drawin' back from company, in a square yard all dark and shady with tall trees. And it all looked kinder dusky, and solemn like. And a bystander a standin' by told us that it wuz "ha'nted." Josiah pawed at it, and shawed at the idee of a gost. But I sez, "There! that is the only thing Saratoga lacked to make her perfectly interestin', and that is a gost!" But agin Josiah pawed at the idee, and sez, "There never wuz such a thing as a gost! and never will be." And sez he, "what an extraordenary idiot anybody must be to believe in any sech thing." And ag'in he looked very skernful and high-headed, and once ag'in he shawed. And I kep' pretty middlin' calm and serene and asked the bystander, when the gost ha'nted, and where? And he said, it opened doors and blowed out lights mostly, and trampled up stairs. "Openin', and blowin', and tramplin'," sez I dreamily. "Yes," sez the man, "that's what it duz." And agin Josiah shawed loud. And agin I kep' calm, and sez I, "I'd give a cent to see it." And sez I, "Do you suppose it would blow out and trample if we should go in?" But Josiah grasped holt of my arm and sez, "'Taint safe! my dear Samantha! don't le's go near the house." "Why? " sez I coldly, "you say there haint no sech thing as a gost, what are you afraid on?" His teeth wuz fairly chatterin'. "Oh! there might be spiders there, or mice, it haint best to go." I turned silently round and started on, for my companion's looks was pitiful in the extreme. But I merely observed this, as we wended onwards, "I have always noticed this, Josiah Allen, that them that shaw the most at sech things, are the ones whose teeth chatter when they come a nigh 'em, showin' plain that the shawers are really the ones that believe in 'em." "My teeth chattered," sez he, "because my gooms ache." "Well," sez I, "the leest said the soonest mended." And we went on fast ag'in by big houses and little, and boardin' houses, and boardin' houses, and boardin' houses, and tavrens, and tavrens, and he kept me a walkin' till my feet wuz most blistered. I see what his aim wuz; I had recognized it all the hull time. But as we went up the stairway into our room, perfectly tuckered out, both on us, I sez to him, in weary axents, "That picture wuz cheap enough, for the money, wuzn't it?" He groaned aloud. And sech is my love for that man, that the minute I heard that groan I immegetly added, "Though I hadn't no idee of buyin' it, Josiah." Immegetly he smiled warmly, and wuz very affectionate in his demeener to me for as much as two hours and a half. Sech is the might of human love. His hurryin' me over them swelterin' and blisterin' streets, and showin' me all the beauty and glory of the world, and his conversation had no effect, skercely on my mind. But what them hours of frenzied effert could not accomplish, that one still, small groan