Sandworms of Dune - Brian Herbert [53]
Alia was the most recent ghola to be born; the program had been stalled since the horrific murder of the three tanks and unborn children. At least that is one crime I do not have on my conscience. But the Bene Gesserits would soon begin the program again. They were already discussing which cells to implant in the new axlotl tanks. Irulan? Emperor Shaddam himself? Count Fenring . . . or someone far worse? Yueh shuddered at the thought. He feared that the witches had gone beyond true need and now were just toying with lives, letting their infernal curiosity sidestep all caution.
He paused in front of Jessica’s quarters, steeling himself. I will face my fear. Wasn’t that part of the Litany the witches so often quoted? In their present incarnations as gholas, Jessica and Yueh had been close enough to think of themselves as friends. But since becoming Dr. Wellington Yueh again, everything was different.
Now I have a second chance, he thought. But my road to redemption is long, and the incline very steep.
Jessica opened her door at his signal. “Oh hello, Wellington. My grandson and I were just reading a holobook about Paul’s younger years, one of those tomes Princess Irulan was always writing.” She invited him inside, where he saw Leto II sitting cross-legged on the carpeted floor. Leto was a loner, though he frequently spent time with his “grandmother.”
Yueh twitched nervously when she closed the door behind them, as if to seal his doom and prevent escape. He kept his eyes down, and after a deep sigh he said, “I wish to apologize to you, my Lady. Though I know you can never forgive me.”
Jessica placed an arm on his shoulder. “We’ve been through this. You can’t bear the blame for things that were done so long ago. It wasn’t really you.”
“Yes it was, because I remember it all now! We gholas were created for one purpose, and we must accept the consequences.”
Jessica looked at him impatiently. “We all know what you did, Wellington. I accepted that and forgave you long ago.”
“But will you do it again after you remember? One day those vaults will be opened in your mind, the terrible old wounds. We’ve got to face the guilt our predecessors left for us, or we’ll be consumed by things we never did.”
“It’s uncharted territory for all of us, but I suspect we each have plenty of things to atone for.” She tried to console him, but he didn’t feel he deserved it.
Leto paused the filmbook and looked up with an eerie intelligence in his eyes. “Well, I’m only going to take responsibility for what I do in this life.”
Jessica reached out to touch Yueh’s face gently. “I can’t understand what you went through, what you’re still going through. I’ll know soon enough, I suppose. But you should think about what you would like to be, not what you’re afraid of being.”
She made it sound so simple, but despite his best efforts, he had been twisted before. “What if I do something bad in this lifetime, too?”
Jessica’s expression hardened. “Then no one can help you.”
You think your eyes are open, yet you do not see.
—Bene Gesserit admonishment
Water crashed against the black reef on Buzzell, sending up a veil of spray. Mother Commander Murbella stood with the once-disgraced Sister at the edge of the cove, watching Phibians frolic in deep water. The amphibious creatures swam together, slick and smooth-skinned, diving under the combers and then bursting to the surface again.
“They love their new freedom,” Corysta said.
Like dolphins in an ancient Earth sea, Murbella thought, admiring their forms. Human . . . and yet dramatically not so.
“I’m more interested in seeing them