Second Chance - Jane Green [104]
‘For exactly the reasons you just gave to me. There did not seem to be any kindness between you. You were funny together and obviously something worked, but he seemed to take every opportunity to put you down, pretending to be funny except it was not funny. It was horribly uncomfortable. I think he put down everyone. It would seem to be a habit of his.’
‘I know.’ Holly winces. ‘He isn’t bad, he’s just incredibly insecure with an enormous superiority complex that disguises an even bigger inferiority complex. He thinks he’s being funny, but it’s a way to subtly keep everyone beneath him.’
‘That is exactly what we saw that night. And he controlled you so much, Holly. Every time you opened your mouth, he would stop talking to hear what you were saying, and you became quieter and quieter all evening until you seemed to have disappeared. I was not even the one who noticed, not that I would have known you were different, but Paul was surprised. He said it felt like Marcus was the puppeteer, pulling your strings until you were absolutely under his control.’
Holly shakes her head in amazement. ‘Not exactly a healthy relationship, right?’
Anna laughs. ‘Would not seem so.’
‘So… do you and Paul have both? Do you have passion and friendship?’
‘After as much IVF treatment as we’ve had, let me tell you, there is not a lot of passion left,’ Anna rolls her eyes, ‘but even now, even after all this, I still look at him sometimes and want to rip his clothes off and jump him in the bed.’
Holly laughs at Anna’s English. ‘Are you serious?’
‘Yup. And he is my best friend. Most of the time, quite honestly, I am in bed by nine and the last thing I want to do is even think about sex, much less do it, but there are those times when I remember, when I feel exactly the same way about him as I did in the beginning. But you must have fancied Marcus at some point, no?… Not even a bit?’
Holly continues to shake her head sadly.
‘But you were married for, what, thirteen years? Fourteen? You had two children. How did you… why did you? Why would you stay with a man for that long, given everything you’ve said?’
Holly shrugs as she tips coffee into the cafetière. ‘I think fear,’ she says slowly. ‘I think I was just too frightened to leave. I was always so strong, so independent. But I suppose I lost myself in the marriage, was just beaten down to the point where I couldn’t do it. And then, of course, the children. I still feel horrible. How can I have done this to the children?’
‘They will be happy if the mother is happy,’ Anna says gently. ‘There is nothing worse for children than to grow up in an unhappy marriage. Are you sure it is over, though? Would you give it another chance?’
‘I don’t know,’ Holly says. ‘I feel sure it’s over, but then I think about supporting myself and the kids, and I’ll admit that it’s terrifying. It’s been only a few hours, as well. God knows how I’ll feel in the morning.’
‘I think you are very brave,’ Anna says, setting the coffee on a tray. ‘And I believe that whatever decision you ultimately make will be the right one. Take it a day at a time and know that everything happens for a reason. Come on, let’s try and warm ourselves up.’
‘Is Saffron definitely asleep?’ Paul says, prodding the logs so the flames shoot up to the top of the fireplace.
‘Asleep? Unconscious I think would be a better term,’ Holly suggests, coming down from checking on the children and Saffron. ‘I feel like I’m back at school. I turned her on her side and stuck a broom down the bed to stop her lying on her back, in case she throws up, and I put a bucket on the floor next to her.’
‘How are the kids?’
‘Cold. I piled everything I could find on top of them, but they’re fast asleep so presumably they’re okay. I’m a bit worried, though.’
‘Why don’t we all sleep in here by the fire tonight?’ Anna says suddenly. ‘The plumber’s coming tomorrow so we should have heat then, and this is the warmest room. We can carry the kids down.’
‘And Saffron?’
‘I think we should leave her,’ Paul