Second Chance - Jane Green [107]
‘I feel the same way,’ Will says. ‘Sometimes I find it hard to believe that we didn’t really know each other four months ago. I feel like I’ve become so reliant on our friendship, on filling you in on everything that’s happening in my life. I do actually feel that I finally have a best friend.’
A pang. Pleasure or pain? Holly doesn’t know whether she wants to hear this or not. Does being a best friend preclude anything else? And why did that thought suddenly make its way into her head? Hadn’t she accepted that they were friends? And despite her marriage possibly being over, now would be the worst time in the world to get involved with someone else.
Although the someone else just called her a best friend. What does that mean?
‘But I want to hear about you,’ Will moves swiftly on. ‘It sounds like Marcus took it really badly, are you okay?’
‘I am,’ Holly says, sitting carefully on a large stone as she checks her signal, desperate not to lose Will, comforted so much by his voice. ‘I know this sounds bizarre, but I feel at peace. I mean, obviously, a bit scared and apprehensive about the future, and I fully expect Marcus to be a prick, but I feel… free. Peaceful. Like me.’
‘Your voice sounds lighter,’ Will says after a silence. ‘I know that sounds mad, but it really does sound lighter.’
‘I feel lighter.’ Holly laughs.
‘Do you think this is it, though?’
‘I think so,’ Holly says. ‘It turns out, of course, that no one seems to be surprised. Everyone, it appears, could see that our marriage wasn’t great. The thing that scares me most is that I’ll go back because I’m too scared to do it on my own.’
‘Do you really think that would happen? Because, Holly, I think you’re much stronger than you give yourself credit for. I think you’ve allowed yourself to live in a place of fear because you’ve been pretty much forced there. You don’t have to live there any more, and you certainly don’t have to worry about doing it on your own – you have a huge support system.’
‘Marcus hissed that I wouldn’t get the house or a penny out of him.’
‘Sounds just about typical from someone like Marcus. He’s just reacting because, as far as he’s concerned, you’ve just destroyed his life and humiliated him royally.’
‘You know what’s weird? I was sitting in front of the fire just now, thinking about him, and I suddenly had this really strong feeling that he will look back and know that this marriage was wrong. I don’t love him, and everybody deserves to be loved. I feel horrible that I wasn’t able to love him. I’ve never been able to give him the attention or affection that he wanted. Maybe that’s why he disappeared off to work all the time.’
‘I think that’s incredibly noble of you,’ Will says quietly. ‘And you’re right, everyone does deserve to be loved. Including you. Haven’t you always said that you felt that Marcus didn’t love you, but that he loved who he wanted you to be? Don’t you deserve to be loved as well? Loved for who you are, not for dressing up and entertaining and being a perfect trophy wife?’
‘Yes. Thank you for saying that.’
‘My pleasure. So how long are you up there for?’
‘I have no idea. Saffron will be here until it all blows over, I suppose, and the rest of us will just have to see. Maybe we could do some sort of a rota.’
‘Is Saffron not capable of being alone?’ Will laughs. ‘Has she turned into that much of a diva?’
‘God, no. Not what you think. She’s just… fragile right now. She needs her friends.’
‘I was joking,’ Will says. ‘I think you’re all amazing being there for her. It’s exactly what Tom would have done.’
‘I know. That’s just what Olivia and I were saying.’ She shivers, standing up and pacing in the cold. ‘I’m bloody freezing, Will. I have to get inside and there’s no reception.’
‘Can I call you out there?’
‘You probably won’t get me but text or leave a message