Second Chance - Jane Green [37]
For Holly always wanted this. She wanted crazy and chaotic, wanted the house filled with children and laughter and fun. But Marcus won’t allow it, and it is just starting to dawn on Holly that she may never have the life she wants. Not with Marcus.
‘But are you happy?’ Will persists.
‘Is anyone? Holly tries to shrug it off. ‘As a concept it’s great but, honestly, I think most of the time I’m just getting on with life. Sure, at times I’m happy, but happy all the time? I think that’s unrealistic’
Will tilts his head. ‘That’s the point. While I can’t say I’m happy all the time, I can say I’m happy most of the time. I wake up in the morning and I love my life. I enjoy all of it. That’s why I do it. If I wake up one day and decide that now’s the time to settle down and buy a house, have 2.4 children and everything that comes with it, I’m sure I’ll do it. But right now this is what makes me feel good.’
Holly shakes her head with a resigned smile. ‘If it works for you, that’s great. Really. I always think we can’t question another person’s choices – how can we judge unless we’ve walked in their shoes?’
‘My philosophy exactly. So… have you seen Scary Sarah yet?’
Holly’s mouth falls open. ‘How do you know I called her that?’
‘Tom told me.’ Will’s eyes sparkle with amusement. ‘He thought it was hysterical.’
‘Oh God, I’m so embarrassed,’ Holly groans, sinking her head in her hands. ‘And no, I haven’t seen her yet. How is she?’
Will looks sad. ‘The truth is she’s a complete mess. I would have expected her to be incredibly cool and stoic and to act as if she were handling it perfectly, but she keeps breaking down in tears, which none of us know quite how to handle. I was amazed she managed to pull it together for the service.’
‘Is she downstairs?’
‘Probably. Or maybe in the guest room. I have to say I’ve warmed to her enormously these last couple of days. I always called her the Ice Queen, but I think I’m seeing the real Sarah now.’
‘Come on.’ Holly stands. ‘I have to find her, and we ought to go downstairs.’
As they head out of the door they both turn spontaneously and give each other a hug.
‘It’s so good to see you,’ Holly says into his ear. ‘Like rediscovering my long-lost little brother.’
‘Ouch.’ Will pulls away then smiles. ‘Did you know I used to have the most enormous crush on you?’
‘You did?’ Holly is stunned.
‘I did. You were the first great love of my life.’
‘I was?’ Holly’s hand flies up to her heart, which just fluttered in an unexpected way. ‘I never knew!’
‘I never told you. Come on. Let’s go and find Sarah.’ Will holds out his hand and guides Holly gently down the stairs.
‘Come tomorrow,’ Maggie says as she hugs Holly goodbye. ‘Everyone will have gone and I’d love to spend some real time with you. How does the morning sound?’
‘It sounds wonderful,’ Holly says. ‘Will Sarah be around, do you think? I’d love to talk to her.’
‘I hope so,’ Maggie says. ‘She just couldn’t face talking to people after the service. All so draining for her, plus she’s drugged up to the eyeballs. Her doctor’s got her on all these pills. Zoloft and Xanax for depression and Ambien to sleep. I think she’s taking pills pretty much all day.’
‘Sounds frightening.’
‘I rather think it is, but it seems this is what they do in America. Still. Hopefully she’ll be up tomorrow. I’m sure she’d love to see you.’
I’m not so sure, Holly thinks but doesn’t say.
At three in the morning, as usual, Holly finds herself wide awake. She tries lying in bed for a while listening to Marcus snore, and eventually gets up, throws on a robe, and goes upstairs to her studio. Sitting down at her desk and turning on her computer, she slides the scrap of paper that Will had scribbled his details on from under her notebook and studies his email address.
Opening her email account she taps his address in and is smiling as she writes. A few sentences about how lovely