Second Helpings_ A Jessica Darling Novel - Megan McCafferty [107]
“Today’s the day I’m going to see Hy in New York with Bridget,” I said.
This, as you know, is factually accurate but not really true.
“New York?” my mother gasped, placing her hand to her chest. “Jessie! You didn’t mention that the bookstore was in New York!” She started fanning herself, as if it were noon in August on the sun. “I don’t like the idea of this!”
“Mom,” I said. “You encouraged me to mend fences with Hy. Well, this is my opportunity.”
“Why can’t you do it closer to home?”
“Ever since her little undercover investigation, Hy breaks out into hives whenever someone so much as mentions New Jersey,” I replied. “So until the entire state becomes hypoallergenic, I doubt she’ll come back.”
“Oh, I don’t like this. Bethany, what do you think?”
“Is she taking mass transit?” Bethany asked my mom.
My mom turned to me. “Are you taking mass transit?”
“You can tell Bethany that yes, I am taking mass transit.”
“Oh,” Bethany said. “I’ve never taken mass transit. Grant always hired a car service.”
Fortunately, Bridget breezed in through the back door, radiating a golden aura that has a spellbinding effect on my mother and my sister. I really think that deep down, my mother and sister are convinced that Bridget and I got swapped in our infancy, when all babies look identically red and squishy.
“Good morning, Mrs. Darling. Hey, Bethany,” Bridget said. “Jess, are you ready?”
“Bridget,” my mother said, “you know your way around the city, right?”
“Oh, sure,” Bridget said, waving a porcelain limb. “Like the back of my hand.”
My mom and my sister sighed in relief.
“Bring the cell and call if you have any problems,” my mom said, kissing me on the cheek.
“I will.”
“And don’t talk to strangers.”
“I won’t.”
“And keep your eye out for any suspicious individuals.”
“I will.”
“And don’t leave Bridget’s side.”
“I won’t.”
“And—”
“Mooooooooooooooooom . . .”
“Okay. Go. Have fun.” My mom got up and kissed me on the cheek again. “While your mother sits here and has a heart attack all day.”
When we were in the car and out of earshot, I was ready to goof on my mom.
“Your mom—” Bridget began.
“I know, she’s a total freak,” I replied. “I’m sorry.”
“No,” she replied. “It’s nice. She cares. My mom, like, never knows where I am ninety percent of the time because she’s always working at the restaurant.”
“You think it’s nice because you don’t have to live with her,” I said. “And she only seems to care when it’s convenient for her, like when she’s not buying bassinets, binkies, and other baby crap for Bethany.”
“Well, it is, like, a big deal, the first grandchild and all. Aren’t you excited about being an aunt?”
“Not really,” I replied. “We’re talking about the Bethany and G-Money’s spawn here. Perpetuation of the beautiful species. Ack.”
“I’m, like, sure her mommy instincts run deeper than that,” Bridget said.
She’s right, you know. Just the other day I actually asked Bethany why she wanted to be a mother, when she had seemed so uninterested in a vocation that would put an end to her string-bikini days.
“What greater joy can there be than bringing a baby into the world, a little person who loves you unconditionally?”
“Okay. But kids can be pains in the ass,” I said. “I mean, I’m not even bad and I’m a pain in the ass.”
“Yes, I know,” she replied, rubbing her belly. “But the benefits far outweigh the troubles.”
Maybe my parents would have an easier time seeing things that way if I had been planned.
Anyway, Bridget and I arrived at the bus station with just a few minutes to spare. Bridget warned me that the post-rush-hour weekday bus trips into New York are generally full of Highly Irritating Passengers. Again, she was balls-on.
An Incomplete Catalog of Highly Irritating Passengers on NJ Transit Bus #76
Species: Snotnoses Rugrattus
Distinguishing Characteristics: Under three feet tall. Will cry and shriek if not given candy, or toys, or attention, or whatever it wants. Too immature to control his or her own