Second Helpings_ A Jessica Darling Novel - Megan McCafferty [115]
“Whatsa matter, J.D.?” Gladdie asked. “Your face is all screwy.”
“Oh, I hate stuff like this,” I said, plopping down in the seat next to her.
“Why? Whatcha got against showers?”
Bethany opened up a box wrapped in alphabet wrapping paper. “BOTTLE WARMER!” she announced to the crowd.
Gladdie squinted at her Baby Shower Bingo card. “Does this have ‘bottle warmer’ on it?”
“Yes,” I replied, pointing to the upper-left-hand-corner box. “Right here.”
“Bottle warmer!” she roared, crossing off that box on her grid. “Hot damn!”
“Anyway,” I continued, “I just hate all these stupid rituals. These big events are supposed to be fun and memorable but are really boring.”
“People need rituals,” Gladdie said.
“DIAPER GENIE!” Bethany announced.
Gladdie scanned her card. “Do you see ‘diaper genie’ on here, J.D.? I can’t see so good.”
“No,” I said.
“Crooks!” Gladdie yelled to no one in particular, then turned her attention back to me. “This is the stuff that gives people something to look forward to.”
“BABY MONITOR!”
Gladdie pushed the card toward me, and I crossed off “baby monitor.”
“We’re gonna win this thing, J.D.!”
I sighed, my head not in the game. “I never look forward to anything.”
“And why is that?”
“Because whenever I look forward to anything, it ends up sucking. The buildup inevitably leads to a letdown. It’s safer to lowball my way through life.”
“BUMPER SET!”
Gladdie put her hand on mine, and the contrast was striking. Mine—large, smooth, unblemished. Hers—shrunken, wrinkled, spotty and mottled, bumpy and blue-veined. Ancient hands. “And how happy has this made you?”
“Not very,” I admitted.
“ONESIES!” my mom yelled, since my sister was taking another potty break.
I crossed off “onesies.”
“Ain’t ya looking forward to takin’ a bite out of the Big Apple?”
“Well, my parents probably won’t let me go,” I replied.
“You gotta do what you want to do. If New York is what you want, you gotta go for it. If I’ve learned anything in my ninety-one years, it’s that you definitely won’t get happy going through life kowtowing to every Tom, Dick, and Harry.”
“It’s not so easy, Gladdie,” I replied. “You know how your son is.”
“He’s a hothead,” she replied. “He got it from his father, God bless his soul.”
Then I realized that this conversation shouldn’t have been happening at all, that Gladdie wasn’t supposed to know anything about Columbia. It must have suddenly dawned on her, too.
“CAR SEAT!”
“ ‘Car seat,’ sweetie?” Gladdie asked, innocently.
“Don’t change the subject,” I snapped. “How did you know about Columbia?” The question, of course, was moot, as I already knew the answer.
“Jeez Louise,” Gladdie said, wringing her hands. “Tutti Flutie only told me ’cause I asked.”
“He had no business telling you. He wasn’t even supposed to know. He’s always doing this. Butting in where he doesn’t belong.”
“Don’t use this as another excuse to push Tutti Flutie away. How many hoops you gonna make him jump through? When’s the dog and pony show gonna end?”
“Huh?”
“Don’t lowball this one, J.D. He’s a sure shot.”
“NIPPLES!”
I checked off another box as Bethany waddled back to her seat.
“But he’s not interested,” I said, completely flustered. “You said he wasn’t interested.”
“He’s more than interested, J.D. Even a half-blind old broad like me can see that. But I knew that you’re just like me in that you don’t like anything that comes too easy. You should see what I made your grandfather, God rest his soul, go through when we were courting. And Moe? That poor man still doesn’t know what hit him!”
“BREAST PUMP!”
Another box.
“So I only told ya he wasn’t interested to get you all fired up.”
“Well, it worked,” I said, sweaty, red, and burning up with the news, not sure how I could cool myself down.
“No it didn’t,” she replied. “You ain’t together, are ya?”
“Uh . . . no.”
“And why not? Because you’re scared of what will happen? Don’t be a fool, J.D. You gotta take chances in this life or you’re already dead.”
Before I could respond,