Second Helpings_ A Jessica Darling Novel - Megan McCafferty [81]
Last night . . . ?
Oh, Christ, my bra is missing. Uh-oh.
It’s too early to call Len. Maybe I can IM him.
OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
Oh, sick. A flavor most foul. The Pineville High marching band performed a halftime show on my tongue. In stanky tube socks.
I just tried to get up. And I learned something else about my current situation.
I’m still wasted.
OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
I just washed down ibuprofen and a multivitamin with a liter of Coke. I’m sort of waking up.
My bathroom smells like puke. And did I mention that my bra is MIA?
Oh, God. What the hell did I do last night?
OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
Whatever it was, I can wait until later to find out. Ow.
What Happened to Me Last Night
The following timeline was cobbled together through author flashbacks, eyewitness testimony, and other conclusive forms of evidence, i.e., missing undergarments.
7:30 P.M. Len arrives at my house and chats with my parents. The word Cornell comes out of my mom’s mouth at least a dozen times. My dad smiles and gently punches Len in the arm. The subtext behind this allegedly good-natured gesture: Don’t have sexual intercourse with my daughter tonight.
7:45 P.M. Len drives me back to his house. We talked about the AP Physics test we took before vacation. We both know we aced it in a way that only two Brainiacs can.
8 P.M. I meet Len’s mom. I note that Mrs. Levy has an unfortunate figure: a size six on top, but she’s packing at least twice as much down below. I almost make the mistake of mentioning Columbia, which I can’t, because one can never underestimate the power of the parental gossip pipeline. Even without Ivy League cred, I win her over with my wholesome, overachieving charm. (Ironic foreshadowing.)
8:15 P.M. We drive to Sara’s house. On the way, I brag about how I’ve obviously won over his mother with my wholesome, overachieving charm. (More ironic foreshadowing.)
8:45 P.M. We arrive at Sara’s. The scene is very much like the one described in the Anti-Homecoming entry, only Pepe and Bridget aren’t there. (Bridget is in L.A. with her dad. Pepe is enigmatically MIA.) Not surprisingly, as this is a more exclusive party, Taryn and Paul are also absent.
9:30 P.M. Len kisses me, then leaves me to set up his guitar god gear. I look around for someone to talk to and don’t see anyone worth the effort. I feel very loserish and lonely, wondering how I could be a senior in high school and have so few people I can talk to.
9:35-ish P.M. An inebriated Scotty comes up to me and goes off on how my boyfriend’s band “ain’t shit no matter what Manda says,” and how he wants to “kick the livin’ shit out of that fuckin’ Dreg Marcus” for even thinking he has a shot with his “hot-piece-of-ass girlfriend.” I fear that there will be a brawl before the night is over.
10 P.M. Chaos Called Creation goes on. Len looks damn good. Damn good. I must say that I’m sort of psyched to be his girlfriend at that moment. Marcus’s T-shirt says OXYGEN. It takes me a few brain-banging minutes, but I eventually get the joke. 2002 = ’02 = O2 = the chemical symbol for oxygen. Very clever. Nothing about this or him reminds me of what I was doing on last New Year’s Eve. And yet I find myself thinking about my private tour of the Five Wonders of Pineville: the Champagne of Propane, the Augie’s Auto Parts Car-on-the-Roof, Der Wunder Wiener, the Purple Dinosaur, and finally, the Park That Time Forgot . . . but I cannot. (Ironic foresh— Oh, Christ. Forget it.)
10:30 P.M. Midway through the set, I spot Scotty, who is doing the heterosexual jock version of dancing, i.e., swaying his arms, shuffling his feet, and clapping at irregular intervals. He smiles serenely and sweats profusely. Tonight he has obviously added E to his andro stack.
11 P.M. Show over. I go to kiss and congratulate Len in a very girl-friendly fashion, but he and the rest of the band have to pack up their stuff. They are distracted by Hoochie Babies and older G-string groupies. Manda is among