Secret Love - Brenda Jackson [41]
“Acting is one of the things I can truly say I’m pretty good at. Having Jack Swain as a father made it so. I had no choice in the matter.”
Jake watched as she took a deep breath and began chewing on her lower lip. He stared at her for a moment before asking, “Why do you feel that way?”
Diamond angled her head to look over at him. “Because I was his daughter, his only child. That made the expectations high,” she said softly. “Early on, everything I did was done to please my father. Carrying the Swain name wasn’t an easy task. It still isn’t. I try not to worry about pleasing my father since it seems I never can. There’s never a performance where I’m good enough for him. As far as he’s concerned, my acting can always be improved.”
Diamond sighed. “It used to really bother me that he felt that way. Now I try not to think about it. Over the years, I’ve tried focusing on pleasing me and believing that I’m good at what I do. Hollywood is finally recognizing and respecting me not because I’m Jack Swain’s daughter but because I’m a really good actress. But it’s taken me a long time to reach that point.”
She turned and looked back up at the sky. “So I guess my life as a movie actress has been a lot of hard work, but it’s enjoyable work that I love doing. It’s going through script after script after script trying to find the one that you feel is right for you, the one that will earn you an Oscar.”
Jake remained silent for a few minutes before asking, “Is that what drives you? Your quest for an Oscar?”
Diamond shook her head. “I guess in a way it does, but that’s no different from an athlete working sunup to sundown to one day go to the Olympics and win the gold. In every line of business there’s this goal we’re working hard to achieve, and a prize we’ll get when we get there.”
Diamond pulled herself up and sat cross-legged on the blanket. “Don’t you agree, Jacob? Aren’t you working each day from sunup to sundown to make your ranch the best it can be while seeking some material form of satisfaction and recognition for doing so?”
Jake looked at her solemnly, knowing she was right. For years he had worked hard to make Whispering Pines a success, and he had done so. He would be the first to admit he had enjoyed all the kudos, accolades and recognition he had garnered each year from the Texas Cattlemen Association for his hard work. Last year he had been selected nationally as Rancher of the Year. It was the highest honor he could have ever received in his profession.
“So winning the Oscar means everything to you?” he asked. For some reason, a part of him just had to ask.
Diamond nodded, not trusting herself to speak. She feared she would admit to him that until she had met him, she could answer that question with complete certainty. Until she had met him, making it to the top was the only thing she cared about it. But now…
“Then one day you will,” Jake said, sitting up and lightly squeezing her shoulder. “I have all the faith in the world that you can and that you will do it.”
Diamond fought back the tears that threatened to cloud her eyes. She swallowed, feeling at odds and not knowing what she really wanted anymore. “Thanks, Jacob,” she whispered. He’d known her for only two weeks and he had more confidence in her abilities than her own father, who had known her all her life. Jack Swain was a perfectionist and he had expected no less of her.
She smoothed her hair back and glanced around, not wanting to think of her father any longer. “This is such a beautiful place. I don’t think I’ve seen anyplace on Whispering Pines that doesn’t leave me completely breathless. I’m really going to miss it here, Jacob.”
He gazed at her. “Are you?” he asked, wanting desperately to believe that she would, and that she did care something for the land he loved.
“Yes,” she replied. And most assuredly I’m definitely going to miss you, she wanted