Sellevision - Augusten Burroughs [36]
After speaking with Peggy Jean, Trish went to the host’s lounge to get a cup of tea, a smile fixed on her face.
“S
parkling diamonds, that’s what this is going to look like on your finger.” Peggy Jean was on air, midway through Rings of Romance. “Six stones with a total gem weight of just over one carat, so this, ladies, is a very believable ring. It’s a lot of sparkle, a lot of glimmer. And it has a wonderful diamond presence, but because it’s Diamonelle, you’re paying a fraction of what you would pay if this ring were set with real diamonds.”
Cut to closeup, Camera One of Peggy Jean’s finger showing the ring. “Fifty-three dollars and ninety-four cents is our introductory price on this ring, and it’s item number J-6866. And ladies, let me remind you that you always have a thirty-day, unconditional, money-back guarantee here at Sellevision.”
Cut to medium shot, Camera Three of Peggy Jean. “And that means that for any reason—maybe it’s the wrong size, or maybe you just decide, ‘You know, this really isn’t me’—you can send the ring back to us and we’ll give you a full refund. So if you’ve never tried Sellevision before, this ring could be a really good way for you to discover the quality and the, well, really the beauty of our jewelry.”
The Teleprompter in front of Peggy Jean alerted her to the fact that there was a caller on the line. Zoe, from California.
For a beat, Peggy Jean ignored the message until her producer said into her earphone, “Peggy Jean, we’ve got a caller. Something wrong with the Teleprompter? Her name is Zoe from California and she’s purchasing.”
Peggy Jean smiled into the camera. “And we’ve got a caller. Let’s welcome Zoe from California. Hi, Zoe.”
“Hi, Peggy Jean. It’s exciting to speak with you.”
The caller’s voice sounded muffled. Peggy Jean imagined a filthy dishtowel being held over the mouthpiece.
“It’s nice to speak with you, too. Is this your first piece of Diamonelle jewelry?”
“Oh no, I own many pieces. I just love Diamonelle, I get more compliments than you could even imagine.”
Peggy Jean continued to smile broadly. “That’s great to hear, Zoe. Now let me ask you: What was it about this particular Diamonelle ring that caught your eye?”
“Well, I think it was the fact that, like you said, it’s got a lot of glamour to it, but it’s also really believable because it’s not so big that people would think it’s a fake.”
“Exactly,” Peggy Jean confirmed. “This is a very beautiful, very believable ring.” So far, so good, Peggy Jean thought. Maybe it’s a different Zoe.
“Oh yes, I’m looking forward to wearing it. I think I’m really gonna love it. Especially because I, unlike you, am not a bitch with hairy knuckles, so the ring will look much bet—”
“Shit, Peggy Jean, we’re going to disconnect the caller, stand by.”
The caller was cut off midsentence with a squelch and then a click.
Peggy Jean began to tremble, visibly. She stared blankly into the camera, mouth open.
“Peggy Jean, are you okay? Peggy Jean?” When her producer got no response, he called out to an engineer, “Get her off, cut to a promo, now!”
eight
“My God, she humiliated me on live television, in front of millions and millions of viewers,” Peggy Jean said, holding back the tears. She and Trish were sitting in Peggy Jean’s Acura in the employee parking lot of Sellevision. Peggy Jean had run to her car immediately after the show when she realized she’d left her purse, which contained her pills, on the front seat.
Struggling to not ruin her eye makeup, Peggy Jean confided to Trish, “I’m really scared. I’m being stalked.”
Trish placed her hand on Peggy Jean’s shoulder pad. “Look, she’s just some crazy person who sent you a couple of letters and then got on the air, that’s all there is to it. She won’t get on the air again and I promise you, it’s all going to go away.”
“But it’s not just a couple of letters, it’s many letters, sometimes less than an hour apart. And now phone calls!” Peggy Jean wailed. The Valium hadn’t kicked in yet.
“I know, it’s scary, real people are scary, but that’s the price we pay for being