Sellevision - Augusten Burroughs [54]
“I’m not gonna do this to myself,” she said, closing the freezer door and walking over to the stack of take-out menus she kept in a neat pile next to the phone. “If I’m going to be pathetic, at least I’m going to be pathetic over a carton of take-out butterfly shrimp.”
Then she thought, I should call Max. He could come over and we could be pathetic together. I could tell him what’s going on. After all, they had said they wanted to keep in touch.
“Hi, Max, it’s Leigh.”
“Hey, Leigh. How’s it going?”
“Awful. You?”
“I just bought a box of razor blades.”
“That bad, huh?”
“Oh, I don’t know, let’s see: So far, I’ve managed to blow an E-Z Shop interview, a news anchor interview, and an interview I had yesterday for E!, not to mention all the voice-over auditions.”
“Oh, Max, I’m so sorry. What does your agent say?”
“Well, when I reach her, she tries to tell me it’s okay. But I’m getting a little freaked out because I’m running out of money and the thing is, it’s really tough. I mean, being a Sellevision host is just such a weird, specific thing that you can’t just run over and start doing the news on CNN. I don’t know. It’s too depressing to talk about.”
“I have an idea,” Leigh said, fingering a menu. “Why don’t you drive over here to my place and we’ll have some Chinese or something? I’ll run over right now and pick it up.”
Max thought, There’s a new and interesting idea: human contact. “Yeah, that sounds like a good idea, thanks. Should I bring anything?”
“Just that box of razor blades.”
After hanging up, Leigh phoned Ming Ling’s and placed her take-out order. She ordered the butterfly shrimp, spring rolls, and sautéed eggplant with peanuts and hot peppers. She grabbed her jacket, purse, and keys and headed out the door. There was another Chinese restaurant closer to her apartment, but Ming Ling’s was one of the better Chinese places in the area, and she would still be back before Max got there.
As she drove, Leigh told herself that she should be happy about her new, expanded role on Sellevision. She told herself that it was only a matter of time before Howard left his wife and they could begin their own life together. She told herself that her life was really not so bad, that it could be a lot worse.
On the radio was the new single by Celine Dion, I Can’t Believe We’re Together Again, from Titanic II. Leigh sang along, and by the time she pulled into Ming Ling’s parking lot, she was actually feeling a little better.
That is, until she stepped out of the car and happened to glance through the window. Howard was sitting at a table with his wife. She looked even prettier than she did in the photo on his desk. And here they were, laughing, holding hands across the table, with what looked like a Peking duck between them.
For a moment, she just stood there, watching. Then she got in her car and drove straight back to her apartment.
About twenty minutes after she was home, Max arrived. He had a bottle of wine with him. She explained that there had been a slight change of plans. That they would be having pizza and ice cream instead.
Then she told him everything.
And by the end of the night, and one and a half bottles of wine later, the two were sitting on the floor, leaning against Leigh’s sofa, and laughing so hard that both of them were clutching their stomachs.
A good plan can do that to a person.
T
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