Sellevision - Augusten Burroughs [56]
Peggy Jean decided that although these were not the ideal circumstances under which to forge a friendship with the multiplatinum recording artist, she simply had no other choice but to call. After all, wasn’t it quite possible that God had put Debby on Sellevision for a purpose much larger than simply introducing America to Dolls by Debby?
“Who’s calling, please?” the voice on the other end of the phone asked.
“This is Peggy Jean Smythe. I’m a host with Sellevision and recently shared a show with Ms. Boone.”
“One moment please.” Peggy Jean found herself placed on hold, listening to a recording of Debby singing her legendary hit, “You Light Up My Life.” It calmed her slightly.
“Peggy Jean?” the familiar voice said.
“Hi, Debby. I hope I’m not disturbing you.”
“No, of course not. What an unexpected surprise!”
Oh, thank God, Peggy Jean thought. Then, as calmly as possible, she explained the situation to Debby, beginning with the first, seemingly innocent earlobe letter, all the way to the shocking on-air event, including the crucified rat and the recent, sinister Cut Cut note.
“Debby, I’m afraid it’s getting out of hand and quite frankly, I have no one else to turn to.”
thirteen
“There’s nothing like a microorganism to bring two people together,” Eliot said, carefully lowering the tray of chicken noodle soup and chamomile tea onto the plush comforter on Bebe’s bed.
“Eliot, you’re an idiot to be staying with me when I’m sick. A sweet idiot, but an idiot. You’re going to catch my cold, and you know I can’t cook.”
“I’m not going to catch your cold. Besides, you can cook, I’ve seen the can opener.”
“Very funny.”
Bebe sipped the chicken soup that Eliot made from scratch the night before, occasionally removing a small piece of cartilage and discretely folding it into her napkin. As she stirred the soup to cool it, Eliot set a fresh box of tissues on the bedside table and glanced at the television. Yet another Amtrak had derailed, this time colliding with a bus of circus clowns.
“Poor clowns,” Eliot sighed, shaking his head.
Bebe nodded. She sipped another spoonful. “The soup is lovely, thank you Eliot.”
“You’re most welcome.” Then, “You know, we usually end up at my place. It seems I’m hardly ever over here.”
“It’s cramped here, that’s why.”
“It’s because you’ve got so much stuff. I mean, what on earth do you need that wet-vac for?” He pointed to the corner, next to several Nieman-Marcus bags.
“In case I have a spill,” she said.
“What about the drafting table in the living room?”
“Someday I might want to take up drawing, that’s all.”
He looked at the chair across from the bed and saw five boxes of shoes, but decided not to say anything.
“Did the mail arrive yet?” she asked.
“No, why, are you expecting something?”
“No, not really.”
“Let’s see what all your friends are doing this fine day.” He reached across her chest for the remote control and aimed it at the TV.
“H
i, everybody, I’m Leigh Bushmoore. Welcome to Sellevision. I’ve got a great show for you tonight that I guarantee you are not going to want to miss. Stay tuned for Simulated Ruby Sensations, because I promise you, this is going to be one sensational show.”
The prerecorded intro to the show played and Leigh took a sip of water from the bottle of Evian discreetly tucked under her chair.
She was wearing a deep-blue velvet dress, with a lower neckline than she would normally wear on the air. The dress, Howard’s favorite, took on a rich, luscious sheen beneath the studio lights. Backstage, she blew some of the curl out of her hair so that it fell voluptuously across her shoulders. When she first entered the stage, one of the grips had whistled at her.
Because this was going to be her last night on Sellevision, she wanted it to be special. She already knew it would be memorable.
The first item Leigh was to present that evening was a choice of Simulated Ruby Pendants, each three carats. Emerald cut, pear shape,