Sellevision - Augusten Burroughs [84]
“It’s been a rocky year for the retail broadcasting network Sellevision. And now, scandal has hit again. Last night former show host Maxwell Andrews accepted an award from the porn industry for his recent role in an explicitly gay male sex video.”
His mother had been applying decorative lace to the front of a pillow with her hot glue gun when the report came on.
As Inside Edition anchor Deborah Norville stood outside of the Sellevision headquarters, she asked viewers to “Take a look at this exclusive clip from the shocking video, and keep in mind that even though it’s been edited for television, it is still unsuitable for young or sensitive viewers.”
Mrs. Andrews watched as her nude son, genitals obscured by a black box, unfastened a cameraman’s pants with his mouth. The glue gun slipped from her grip, burning her hand and sealing the burn with epoxy. At the same moment, her systolic blood pressure soared to over 180 and her diastolic pressure to 105.
“Andrews was fired from the show last year after exposing his penis to viewers on air while hosting a show intended for children.”
Then Inside Edition replayed the Slumber Sunday incident before cutting back to Deborah Norville. “This hard-core pornography scandal is just the latest in a string of blows the network has suffered.”
They showed a brief clip of Leigh during her Oprah appearance, the jacket of her book blown up huge behind her. As the clip played, Deborah could be heard saying, “Earlier in the year, former host Leigh Bushmoore publicly ended her adulterous affair with then-head of production, Howard Toast. The on-air revelation created a whirlwind of publicity and sparked heated debates nationwide.”
Larry King and Leigh.
Leigh receiving a standing ovation at Smith.
Next back to Deborah, who asked, “The future of the network? That’s anyone’s guess. But we’ll keep watching Sellevision, and you keep watching us. I’m two-time Emmy-award winner Deborah Norville, reporting exclusively for Inside Edition.”
But Max’s mother hadn’t seen this portion of the Inside Edition report, as she had fallen from her seat and landed on the floor, unconscious.
“I
’ve never had lunch with a porn star before,” Adam said in his deep, everyone-assumes-I’m-a-cop voice, stabbing the lime in his seltzer water with the thin straw, sinking it to the bottom.
“Well, I’ve never had lunch with a hotel maid, so we’re even,” Max said, smiling at the handsome man across the table.
The two had met the old-fashioned way. Max was coming out of a Safeway grocery store and Adam Rollerbladed into him, causing Max to drop the plastic bag containing the eggs.
“Jeez, I’m sorry about that,” Adam had said, seeing the yellow, slimy leakage.
“It’s okay,” Max told him. “They’re bad for you anyway—cholesterol, all that stuff.”
Adam had smiled at him and Max had smiled back. And then they both just stood there in that awkward silence that happens when two people are attracted to each other but don’t know what to do about it because they are strangers.
“So . . .” Max said.
“Yeah, well . . .” said Adam.
It had been Adam who took the risk. “Hi, I’m Adam,” he said, extending his hand. Max, who was crouching down and scooping the contents back into the plastic bag, stood up and shook his hand. “Max. Nice to, uh, run into you.”
They exchanged phone numbers. “Maybe we can get together sometime, grab a beer?” Adam had said. Something that, if his hunch was wrong and Max was straight, wouldn’t sound too far off the wall.
“Sure,” Max had said.
And now here they were, in the garden of Café Left, having lunch on a Tuesday afternoon.
“So, what’s it like?” Max asked. “At the hotel, I mean.”
“Well, the best part is the snooping.”
Max raised an eyebrow. “The snooping? You snoop?”
“Well yeah, sure. Wouldn’t you?”
“I don’t think so, no. Yes, maybe, I don’t know.”
Adam took a sip of his seltzer water as the waiter delivered their matching salads. “Freshly