Sense of Evil - Kay Hooper [91]
Hollis shook her head slowly. “I guess it was easier for you to just let him be the one in control for a while. Let him do what he wanted to do, needed to do. Protect you, shut out all the pain. Even if it meant shutting off your abilities and blinding you to the evil you know is almost close enough to touch.”
14
THE POUNDING IN HIS HEAD was almost as rhythmic as his heartbeat, as though his very brain pulsed inside his skull.
The imagery pleased him briefly.
The pain made him reach for yet another handful of painkillers. He'd considered going to a doctor and getting the stronger prescription stuff but was wary of doing anything that might call attention to himself.
That bitch agent, it might occur to her that the change kept him in pain most of the time, and she might start calling doctors, checking for just that.
No, he couldn't take the chance.
But he had a hunch that all the painkillers on top of not being able to eat much these days might be causing other problems. There was a new pain, deep in his gut, a burning. It got better when he was able to eat something, and he knew what that meant. An ulcer, probably.
Was that part of the change? Was it intended that his own digestive acids—helped along by handfuls of painkillers—would eat through the lining of his stomach?
He didn't see how that would help him become what he had to be, but—
It's punishment, wimp.
“I haven't done anything wrong.” He kept his voice low, so nobody else would hear.
You're dragging your feet. You haven't done that agent. You haven't done the reporter. Or the other one. What're you waiting for?
“The right time. I have to be careful. They're watching me.”
I knew I wouldn't be able to count on you to keep it together. You're paranoid now.
“No—”
You are. All you should be thinking about is what those women have done to you. Those bitches. You know what they've done. You know.
“Yes. I know.”
Then there's nothing else to think about, is there? Nothing else to worry about.
“I just have to kill them. All six of them. Just like I did before.”
Yes. You just have to kill them.
“I'm not that self-destructive,” Isabel said.
“You're that scared.”
“And you know that because of your degree in psychology?”
“I know it because I was brutalized too.”
After a long moment, much of the tension drained visibly from Isabel and she said, “Yeah. We belong to a very select club, you and I. Survivors of evil.”
“It doesn't have to be a lifetime membership, Isabel.”
“Doesn't it?”
“No. And if you let it be, then you let him win. You let evil win.”
Isabel managed a faint smile. “If this is what Maggie Barnes did for you, then I wish I'd had her around fourteen years ago.”
“What Maggie did for me,” Hollis said, “was put me in the same place you're in now. As if years have gone by. The memories are still there, the pain is only an echo—and the scars are fear. I can be more objective than you because I'm not the one falling in love.”
“And if you were?” It was a tacit admission.
“I'd be scared to death.”
“I'll remind you that you said that.”
It was Hollis's turn to smile faintly. “Believe me, I'm counting on you to help me through, if it ever happens.”
“The blind leading the blind.”
“You'll have figured things out by then. You'll have to. As our esteemed leader says, the universe puts us where we need to be. You obviously need to be here, now. With Rafe.”
“And a killer.”
Hollis nodded. “And a killer. Which is why I think you can't try to ignore or deny your own feelings. Not now, not this time. You don't have that luxury, not with a killer in the equation. You need your abilities at full strength, plus whatever Rafe brings to the relationship.”
In a slightly suspicious tone, Isabel asked, “Did Bishop tell you anything else about what's happening here? I mean, aside from having you give Rafe just the information he needed to keep that little confrontation at the dairy farm