Seriously_.I'm Kidding - Ellen DeGeneres [24]
Throughout my career, I’ve had to make a lot of very big decisions, many of which had huge impacts on my life. The material I decided to do for my first appearance on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson led to Johnny calling me over, which literally changed everything for me. (My decisions to sport a mullet with bangs and wear Hammer pants remain questionable.)
A lot of people are good at making decisions. They know what they want and they can make up their minds quickly. I call those people “Quick Decision Makers.” Some people, however, are very, very bad at making decisions. They waver back and forth and might linger on an issue for days or weeks or even years. I call those people “Annoying.” Here’s a fun fact: Quick Decision Makers are often stuck behind Annoying people in line at Starbucks.
Whenever I have to make an important decision, I like to make a list of pros and cons. That way I can see all the positives and negatives right there in front of me and I can decide what will work best for me. I highly recommend it. Can’t decide if you should quit your big city job and move to a small town? Make a list. Not sure if you should plan a huge, fancy wedding or elope? Make a list. Debating whether to buy a really awesome fancy new car or send your kid to college? Make a list.
I wanted to show you how helpful a pros and cons list can be, so I’ve gone ahead and made a list of the pros and cons of making a list of pros and cons. Look it over and then you can decide for yourself if a list is right for you.
Pros and Cons of Making a List of Pros and Cons
PROS
• Aids you in making well-informed decisions.
• Helps you to feel organized and in control of your life.
• Allows you to put off making an actual decision.
• You might decide to make your list while you’re flying on an airplane next to a very attractive person. You’ll take out a piece of paper and realize you need a pen. You’ll ask him or her if he or she has a writing utensil, sparking a conversation about how you’ve both been to Paris in springtime. You’ll fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after in a mansion made out of clouds.
• Lists are fun.
Pros and Cons of Making a List of Pros and Cons
CONS
• Forces you to make well-informed decisions so you can’t say stuff like, “I don’t know why I bought this ten-thousand-dollar antique spoon! I wasn’t thinking.”
• Takes away time that could be spent napping or playing video games.
• Takes away time from making your actual decision.
• Can be hard to figure out margins.
• You might decide to make your list while you’re flying on an airplane next to a very attractive person. You’ll take out a piece of paper and rummage through your bag for a pen. Once you find it, you’ll exclaim, “Found it!” and reach your arm up, immediately knocking it into the tray table of the attractive person next to you. Their water will go flying through the air, soaking them and you and the flight attendant, who happens to be walking by at the time. Everyone around you will be upset, you’ll have to sit there without moving an inch for the rest of the six-hour flight, and you won’t marry the stranger on the plane, something you’ve dreamed of doing since you were six.
• What was I trying to decide?
Additional Thank-Yous
I just remembered some people I forgot to thank in the acknowledgments. Deepak Chopra; my third-grade teacher, Mrs. Grady; the New Orleans Saints; my cats Charlie, George, and Chairman, who are my dawgs; my dogs Wolf and Mabel, who are really cool cats; everybody at NASA; Kate Middleton; and the nice man at the supermarket today who let me pay ahead of him because I only had one item. Thank you.
Babies, Animals, and Baby Animals
People are constantly asking Portia and me if we are going to have children. If you are one of the people or persons who want to know the answer to that question, before you stop me on the street or send me an e-mail or hand me