Seriously_.I'm Kidding - Ellen DeGeneres [40]
Anyway, if your birthday is on Christmas day and you’re not Jesus, you should start telling people your birthday is on June 9 or something. Just read up on the traits of a Gemini. Suddenly you’re a multitasker who loves the color yellow. Because not only do you get stuck with the combo gift, you get the combo song. “We wish you a merry Christmas—and happy birthday, Terry—we wish you a merry Christmas—happy birthday, Terry—we wish you a merry Christmas and a happy New Ye—Birthday, Terry!”
It’s not fair and I have a message for parents out there. Don’t do that to your kids. Plan your love. I’m not great at baby math, so I’m just gonna say in the early part of the year, maybe January until March, stay away from each other. It’s not gonna be easy. Those are winter months and you’re going to want to stay warm. But unfortunately one of you is going to have to sleep in a tent in the backyard. Or one of you can climb that mountain in Brazil you’re always journaling about. Just stay away from each other. You can talk on the phone if you keep it clean. It’s for the benefit of all mankind.
My birthday is in January, just a few weeks after the holidays. What that means for me is that I get my holiday gifts, and then for my birthday I get mostly regifted holiday gifts. Because everyone does the same thing after the holidays—they make their piles of “Keep” and “Regift.” The iPod you keep. Ugly sweater you regift. Digital camera you keep. Inappropriately shaped candle you give to the creepy guy who works in your payroll department.
I’m lucky my birthday is in January because people tend to regift the good stuff first. If your birthday is in January or even February, you might actually end up with an iPod because maybe someone got one for Christmas but already had one. Or you could get a really nice bottle of wine because in January your friend still thinks he’s not gonna drink this year.
But as the year goes on, the regifts get worse. By June you’re getting a framed picture of your friend’s nephew in a frame that says “Our precious boy.” And by the fall people aren’t regifting anymore. They’re just emptying their basements. If your birthday is in October, you’re either getting a Ping-Pong paddle or an infant’s car seat. “Happy birthday! Maybe you’ll adopt one day, Grandma!”
Maybe we put too much focus on gift giving. It shouldn’t be about a gift or about who gave you what. We all know what it should be about. Money. Why isn’t it acceptable to just give cash? That’s what we all want. Let’s cut to the chase.
No. Well, yes, but that’s not what life is about. I do genuinely enjoy giving people gifts and seeing their faces light up when they open them. I once brought a box of wine to a dinner party at Oprah’s house and the look on her face was priceless. And that feels good inside.
So I guess what I’m saying is it’s better to err on the side of being polite and giving gifts for all occasions—birthdays, holidays, Flag Day. And you know what makes the best gift of all? Books like this. And things made out of money.
Pondering
One thing that always makes me happy is being out in nature. I love nature. I love trees, I love flowers, I love those hedges that are shaped like giraffes. I don’t know how they grow like that, but they are magnificent!
I spend a lot of time outside every day. I love doing yoga outside. I love to meditate outside. Sometimes I even shower outside. What I’m trying to say is, I lock myself out of the house a lot.
I just love being outside. In the mornings, I take a cup of coffee out to my koi pond, plop myself down right next to my life-size garden statue of Helen Mirren, and do what one is supposed to do by a pond—I ponder.
I ponder all sorts of things. I ponder life and our infinite