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Classic-Fiction

Seriously_.I'm Kidding - Ellen DeGeneres [52]

By Root 399 0

Awards and the Primetime Emmy Awards. She would host you for dinner if she got to know you better.

Contents

Front Cover Image

Welcome

Dedication

Acknowledgments

A Note from the Author

Writing This Book

CoverGirl

How to Be a Supermodel

Stuff

Personally Speaking

The Secret of Life

The Secret of Life—Part Two

Thunderclap: A Short Short Story

Journal Entries

Important Words

Family

What Would Jesus Do?

Haiku

Stretching

Meditation

Guided Meditation

Random Things That Might Help You But Probably Won’t

American Idol, Or “If You Don’t Have Anything Nice to Say, Don’t Say Anything at All”

Common Courtesy

Sauna

Answers to Frequently Asked Questions

Labels

For the Children—Part One

For the Children—Part Two

Talking Hard

Pros and Cons

Additional Thank-Yous

Babies, Animals, and Baby Animals

My Bucket List

I Am Not Lazy

Aspirations: A Short Short Story

Social Skills

Dinner with a Psychic

Ideas

For the Teenagers

For the Adults Who Don’t Understand the For the Teenagers Chapter and Really Want To

The Longest Chapter

Tweet Chapter

Deep Thinkers and Not So Deep Thinkers

Chapter for the Audiobook Listeners

Honesty

Don’t Worry, Be Happy

Magic

Girl Power

Boredom

Ellen’s Guide to Gift Giving

Pondering

Adults Only Chapter

Gambling Tips

Timeline of a Celebrity’s Day

Sleep

Letter to Mall Security

How to Become a Billionaire

5 Extremely Easy Ways to Make a Lot of Money

Inside My Head

Romance: A Short Short Story

Dreams

Seriously… I’m Kidding

Last Chapter

About the Author

Also by Ellen DeGeneres

My Point… And I Do Have One

The Funny Thing Is…

* Unconfirmed at time of printing.

** Unable to pinpoint exact race placement and/or involvement in race at time of printing.

*** In my neighbor’s yard. Don’t say anything.

**** At time of printing, I was told this could never happen under any circumstances. But you know what I say, and this is an important life lesson, Readers—never say never.†

† I mentioned “never say never” to the British man I spoke with on the phone. He said in this case one could in fact say “never” because this can never happen, as I am not a “British” “citizen.” So, unconfirmed at time of printing.

All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Grand Central Publishing

Hachette Book Group

237 Park Avenue

New York, NY 10017

Visit our website at www.HachetteBookGroup.com

www.twitter.com/grandcentralpub.

First eBook Edition: October 2011

Grand Central Publishing is a division of Hachette Book Group, Inc.

The Grand Central Publishing name and logo is a trademark of Hachette Book Group, Inc.

The publisher is not responsible for websites (or their content) that are not owned by the publisher.

ISBN: 978-0-446-58503-3

Table of Contents