Seven habits of highly effective people - Stephen R. Covey [35]
But this man was proactive toward them, too. Little by little, his Circle of Influence toward them grew also. It continued to expand to the extent that eventually no one made any significant moves in the organization without that man's involvement and approval, including the president. But the president did not feel threatened because this man's strength complemented his strength and compensated for his weaknesses. So he had the strength of two people, a complementary team. This man's success was not dependent on his circumstances. Many others were in the same situation. It was his chosen response to those circumstances, his focus on his Circle of Influence, that made the difference.
There are some people who interpret "proactive" to mean pushy, aggressive, or insensitive; but that isn't the case at all. Proactive people aren't pushy. They're smart, they're value driven, they read reality, and they know what's needed.
Look at Gandhi. While his accusers were in the legislative chambers criticizing him because he wouldn't join in their Circle of Concern rhetoric condemning the British Empire for their subjugation of the Indian people, Gandhi was out in the rice paddies, quietly, slowly, imperceptibly expanding his Circle of Influence with the field laborers. A ground swell of support, of trust, of confidence followed him through the countryside. Though he held no office or political position, through compassion, courage, fasting, and moral persuasion he eventually brought England to its knees, breaking political domination of 300 million people with the power of his greatly expanded Circle of Influence. The "Have's" and the "Be's"
One way to determine which circle our concern is in is to distinguish between the have's and the be's. The Circle of Concern is filled with the have's
"I'll be happy when I have my house paid off."
"If only I had a boss who wasn't such a dictator."
"If only I had a more patient husband."
"If I had more obedient kids."
"If I had my degree."
"If I could just have more time to myself."
The Circle of Influence is filled with the be's --I can be more patient, be wise, be loving. It's the character focus.
Anytime we think the problem is "out there," that thought is the problem. We empower what's out there to control us. The change paradigm is "outside-in" --what's out there has to change before we
can change.
The proactive approach is to change from the Inside-Out: to be different, and by being different, to effect positive change in what's out there --I can be more resourceful, I can be more diligent, I can be more creative, I can be more cooperative.
One of my favorite stories is one in the Old Testament, part of the fundamental fabric of the Judeo-Christian tradition. It's the story of Joseph, who was sold into slavery in Egypt by his brothers at the age of 17. Can you imagine how easy it would have been for him to languish in self-pity as a servant of Potiphar, to focus on the weaknesses of his brothers and his captors and on all he didn't have?
But Joseph was proactive. He worked on be. And within a short period of time, he was running Potiphar's household. He was in charge of all that Potiphar had because the trust was so high. Then the day came when Joseph was caught in a difficult situation and refused to compromise his integrity. As a result, he was unjustly imprisoned for 13 years. But again he was proactive. He worked on the inner circle, on being instead of having, and soon he was running the prison and eventually the entire nation of Egypt, second only to the Pharaoh.
I know this idea is a dramatic Paradigm Shift for many people. It is so much easier to blame other people, conditioning, or conditions for our own stagnant situation. But we are responsible -"response-able" --to control our lives and to powerfully influence our circumstances by working on be, on what we are.
If I have a problem in my marriage, what do I really gain by continually confessing my wife's sins?
By saying I'm not responsible, I make myself a powerless victim; I immobilize myself in a negative situation.