Seven habits of highly effective people - Stephen R. Covey [95]
"I literally walked away from an $84,000 contract. It was close to financial suicide. But I felt that, in the long run, if the principle were true, it would come back and pay dividends.
"Three months later, the new president called me. 'I'm now going to make changes in my date processing,' he said, 'and I want to do business with you.' He signed a contract for $240,000." Anything less than win-win in an interdependent reality is a poor second best that will have impact in the long-term relationship. The cost of the impact needs to be carefully considered. If you can't reach a true win-win, you're very often better off to go for no deal. Win-Win or No Deal provides tremendous emotional freedom in the family relationship. If family members can't agree on a video that everyone will enjoy, they can simply decide to do something else --no deal --rather than having some enjoy the evening at the expense of others. I have a friend whose family has been involved in singing together for several years. When they were young, she arranged the music, made the costumes, accompanied them on the piano, and directed the performances.
As the children grew older, their taste in music began to change and they wanted to have more say in what they performed and what they wore. They became less responsive to direction. Because she had years of experience in performing herself and felt closer to the needs of the older people at the rest homes where they planned to perform, she didn't feel that many of the ideas they were suggesting would be appropriate. At the same time, however, she recognized their need to express themselves and to be part of the decision-making process.
So she set up a Win-Win or No Deal. She told them she wanted to arrive at an agreement that everyone felt good about --or they would simply find other ways to enjoy their talents. As a result, everyone felt free to express his or her feelings and ideas as they worked to set up a Win-Win Agreement, knowing that whether or not they could agree, there would be no emotional strings. The Win-Win or No Deal approach is most realistic at the beginning of a business relationship or enterprise. In a continuing business relationship, no deal may not be a viable option, which can create serious problems, especially for family businesses or businesses that are begun initially on the basis of friendship.
In an effort to preserve the relationship, people sometimes go on for years making one compromise after another, thinking win-lose or lose-win even while talking win-win. This creates serious problems for the people and for the business, particularly if the competition operates on win-win and synergy. Without no deal, many such businesses simply deteriorate and either fail or have to be turned over to professional managers. Experience shows that it is often better in setting up a family business or a business between friends to acknowledge the possibility of no deal downstream and to establish some kind of buy/sell agreement so that the business can prosper without permanently damaging the relationship.
Of course there are some relationships where no deal is not viable. I wouldn't abandon my child or my spouse and go for no deal (it would be better, if necessary, to go for compromise --a low form of win-win). But in many cases, it is possible to go into negotiation with a full Win-Win or No Deal attitude. And the freedom in the attitude is incredible.
Five Dimensions of Win-Win
Think Win-Win is the habit of interpersonal leadership. It involves the exercise of each of the unique human endowments --self-awareness, imagination, conscience, and independent will --in our relationships with others. It involves mutual learning, mutual influence, mutual benefits. It takes great courage as well as consideration to create these mutual benefits, particularly if we're interacting with others who are deeply scripted in win-los.
That is why this habit involves principles of interpersonal leadership. Effective interpersonal