She Wanted It All - Kathryn Casey [60]
Photos from St. David’s would later document the bond that developed between Celeste and Tracey. Reclining on a couch in one, Celeste had her legs stretched across Tracey’s lap. In another, Tracey’s arm draped over Celeste’s shoulder. “When we’d visit, Celeste spent most of her time talking about Tracey,” says Kristina. “She’d talk about how they were friends, how funny Tracey was. She said she was gay.”
One day, Tracey would later say, the relationship took a turn. “Celeste followed me into my room,” she says. “She kissed me on the lips.”
Tracey kissed her back. From that point on there were stolen moments behind cabinets, in their rooms, wherever they had a moment of privacy. They kissed and touched, Tracey slipping her hands over Celeste’s breasts. “Celeste didn’t pull away,” says Tracey. “She touched me back.”
At other times they simply talked, telling each other about their lives, much of Celeste’s conversation centering on Steve. “He’s smothering me,” she told Tracey. “He’s the biggest issue in my life. I can’t breathe with him watching everything I do. At times I think my only escape is suicide.”
Growing to hate a man she’d only seen in passing, Tracey told her not to give up. “He’s not worth it,” she said. “And one day he’ll be gone and you’ll be free.”
A week earlier, Tracey had entered St. David’s a shell, so empty she hadn’t wanted to live. Without realizing it was happening, Tracey was quickly filled by Celeste with expectations for the future. It was obvious to Pat and Jane that Tracey was entranced. When they called, she spent little time talking about therapy, just Celeste. “She’s gorgeous,” she told them. “Smart and funny. I want you to meet her.”
Jane cautioned her, telling Tracey to consider where they’d met and that she needed to realize she and Celeste were both not well. “Concentrate on getting better, on your therapy,” she said. “Not on this woman.”
Her advice went unheeded. Days later, Tracey and Celeste had passes to leave St. David’s for a dinner out. Pat and Jane pulled into the hospital parking lot to pick them up. When they saw a flashy woman in a fur coat and big jewelry smoking a cigarette near the door, Jane said, “I bet that’s her.”
Pat shook her head. “Can’t be,” she insisted.
Minutes later Tracey appeared and took the woman by the arm to bring her over to the car. “I want you to meet Celeste,” she said.
Dinner was strained. Other patients from St. David’s joined them in the small restaurant, and Pat felt ill at ease surrounded by people who appeared heavily medicated. She found Celeste amusing if odd. Much of the night she complained about Steve, calling him names and saying that he controlled her life.
Days later Celeste and Tracey made another public appearance, this time at BookPeople. On day passes, Tracey wanted to show her around the store, a place she loved. As soon as they entered, a small group of her floor managers gathered around. They hadn’t told the staff that Tracey was in a psychiatric hospital, only that she was ill, and they didn’t want them to see the drug-dazed look in her eyes. An argument ensued and Tracey’s voice rose, until Celeste grabbed her by the arm. As the others watched, Celeste drew Tracey to the side and chastised her. Afterward, Tracey, looking embarrassed, apologized, and then both the women turned and left.
Soon, rumors spread through BookPeople and Austin’s gay community that Tracey Tarlton had a new lover, a tall, beautiful, rich, married woman named Celeste Beard.
If Celeste initiated the relationship, Tracey latched on quickly. If nothing else, Celeste was a tantalizing distraction from the crisis that had brought her to St. David’s. At times, Celeste entertained her with stories of the things