Sheen on the Silk - Anne Perry [99]
It must have been agony, but after the first convulsive jerk and shudder he kept as still as he could.
In a perfectly level voice she ordered the other monks, and the priest who had come for her, to fetch more clean cloths, to open her case and take out certain herbs and spirits in small vials, also her surgical needles and silk. She directed two of them to fetch water and clean up the blood from the tiles.
All the time she kept the pressure on the stump of tongue, trying desperately to prevent the man from bleeding to death, choking on blood, or suffocating because he could not draw air into his lungs.
She changed one blood-soaked cloth for another, still holding the man with her left arm. She could hear the rhythmic murmur of prayer and wished she could join in.
Finally, more than half an hour after she had begun, she pulled the cloth away slowly and judged that if she was quick, she would be able to stitch the flesh and seal off the vessels enough to remove the cloth permanently.
It was a difficult task in the wavering candlelight, and she was acutely conscious of the pain she must be causing; unlike most other patients, he could not even be given any herbs to drink to deaden the sensation. His mouth and throat were a mass of swollen scarlet flesh, terribly mutilated, but all she had time to consider was saving his life from hemorrhaging away. She worked as quickly as she could, stitching, pulling, tying, cutting, stanching again, always with too much blood and with pain almost palpable in the air.
Finally, she finished and swabbed away the remaining blood. She gently washed his face, meeting his eyes, remembering that although he would never speak again, he could hear everything. She picked up herbs to show to all of them, saying when to use them and how and in what proportions.
“And you must keep his lips and his mouth moist,” she went on. “But don’t touch the wound yet, especially not with water. If he will take it, give him a little honeyed wine to drink, but carefully. Don’t let him choke.”
“Food?” someone asked. “What can he eat?”
“Gruel,” she replied. “Warm, not too hot. And soups. He will learn to chew and to swallow properly, but give him time.” She hoped that was true. She had no prior experience with such a mutilation.
“Thank you,” the priest who had called her said sincerely. “Your name will always be in our prayers.”
She waited with them all night, watching, listening to them trying to reassure one another and find courage for what they knew lay ahead, perhaps for all of them. Nicodemus was the first, but he would not be the last.
“Who did this?” she asked, dreading the answer.
The monks glanced at one another, then at her. “We do not know who they were,” one of them replied. “They had the emperor’s authority, but they were led by a foreigner, a Roman priest with light-colored hair and eyes like a winter sea.” He breathed in and out slowly, and his voice dropped even lower. “He had a list.”
Anna felt the coldness scour through her as if strength drained away. She was wrong to have doubted Constantine, too squeamish, too cowardly of spirit to acknowledge the truth because she wanted to keep her hands clean. She was ashamed of her stupidity.
Faith called for high prices—faith in God, the light, and the hope. Crucifixion was brutal. She was sick at the thought of it, the reality of the gasping for breath, the agony through belly and loins and every sinew, the sheer terror. Why did the images soften it, as if Christ had not been flesh like everyone else, as if His searing horror had been different? The answer was obvious—to escape knowing it, because it made our own betrayal of Him easier.
Then a curious peace filled her. Se had been wrong in her judgment of Constantine, wrong, ignorant, and shallow. She was crushed with penitence. They