Shogun_ A Novel of Japan - James Clavell [278]
The ache was coming back. I’ll think about them when I start for home, he promised himself, but not until then.
“There’ll be a storm tomorrow,” he said, watching the sea. “A strong one, Mariko-san. Then in three days we’ll have fair weather.”
“This is the season of squalls. Mostly it’s overcast and rain-filled. When the rains stop it becomes very humid. Then begin the tai-funs.”
I wish I were at sea again, he was thinking. Was I ever at sea? Was the ship real? What’s reality? Mariko or the maid?
“You don’t laugh very much, do you, Anjin-san?”
“I’ve been seafaring too long. Seamen’re always serious. We’ve learned to watch the sea. We’re always watching and waiting for disaster. Take your eyes off the sea for a second and she’ll grasp your ship and make her matchwood.”
“I’m afraid of the sea,” she said.
“So am I. An old fisherman told me once, ‘The man who’s not afraid of the sea’ll soon be drownded for he’ll go out on a day he shouldn’t. But we be afraid of the sea so we be only drownded now and again.’” He looked at her. “Mariko-San …”
“Yes?”
“A few minutes ago you’d convinced me that—well, let’s say I was convinced. Now I’m not. What’s the truth? The honto. I must know.”
“Ears are to hear with. Of course it was the maid.”
“This maid. Can I ask for her whenever I want?”
“Of course. A wise man would not.”
“Because I might be disappointed? Next time?”
“Possibly.”
“I find it difficult to possess a maid and lose a maid, difficult to say nothing….”
“Pillowing is a pleasure. Of the body. Nothing has to be said.”
“But how do I tell a maid that she is beautiful? That I love her? That she filled me with ecstasy?”
“It isn’t seemly to ‘love’ a maid this way. Not here, Anjin-san. That passion’s not even for a wife or a consort.” Her eyes crinkled suddenly. “But only toward someone like Kiku-san, the courtesan, who is so beautiful and merits this.”
“Where can I find this girl?”
“In the village. It would be my honor to act as your go-between.”
“By Christ, I think you mean it.”
“Of course. A man needs passions of all kinds. This Lady is worthy of romance—if you can afford her.”
“What does that mean?”
“She would be very expensive.”
“You don’t buy love. That type’s worth nothing. ‘Love’ is without price.”
She smiled. “Pillowing always has its price. Always. Not necessarily money, Anjin-san. But a man pays, always, for pillowing in one way, or in another. True love, we call it duty, is of soul to soul and needs no such expression—no physical expression, except perhaps the gift of death.”
“You’re wrong. I wish I could show you the world as it is.”
“I know the world as it is, and as it will be forever. You want this contemptible maid again?”
“Yes. You know I want …”
Mariko laughed gaily. “Then she will be sent to you. At sunset. We will escort her, Fujiko and I!”
“Goddamn it—I think you would too!” He laughed with her.
“Ah, Anjin-san, it is good to see you laugh. Since you came back to Anjiro you have gone through a great change. A very great change.”
“No. Not so much. But last night I dreamed a dream. That dream was perfection.”
“God is perfection. And sometimes so is a sunset or moonrise or the first crocus of the year.”
“I don’t understand you at all.”
She turned back the veil on her hat and looked directly at him.
“Once another man said to me, ‘I don’t understand you at all,’ and my husband said, ‘Your pardon, Lord, but no man can understand her. Her father doesn’t understand her, neither do the gods, nor her barbarian God, not even her mother understands her.’”
“That was Toranaga? Lord Toranaga?”
“Oh, no, Anjin-san. That was the Taikō. Lord Toranaga understands me. He understands everything.”
“Even me?”
“Very much you.”
“You’re sure of that, aren’t you?”
“Yes. Oh, very yes.”
“Will he win the war?”
“Yes.”
“I’m his favored vassal?”
“Yes.”
“Will he take my navy?”
“Yes.”
“When will I get my ship back?”
“You won’t.”
“Why?”
Her gravity vanished. “Because you’ll have your