Shogun_ A Novel of Japan - James Clavell [322]
Fujiko waited stoically until they were all there, then she too went down on her knees and bowed, as a samurai and not as a peasant. “Gomen nasai, dozo gomen na—”
“The pox on your gomen nasai! What right’ve you to do that? Ehhhhh?” and he began to swear at her foully. “Why in the name of Christ didn’t you ask me first? Eh?”
He fought for control, aware that all of his servants knew he legally could hack Fujiko and all of them to pieces here in the garden for causing him so much displeasure, or for no reason at all, and that not even Toranaga himself could interfere with his handling of his own household.
He saw one of the children was trembling with terror and panic. “Jesus Christ in heaven, give me strength …” He held on to one of the posts to steady himself. “It’s not your fault,” he choked out, not realizing he wasn’t speaking Japanese. “It’s hers! It’s you! You murdering bitch!”
Fujiko looked up slowly. She saw the accusing finger and the hatred on his face. She whispered a command to her maid, Nigatsu.
Nigatsu shook her head and began to beg.
“Ima!”
The maid fled. She returned with the killing sword, tears streaming her face. Fujiko took the sword and offered it to Blackthorne with both hands. She spoke and though he did not know all the words he knew that she was saying, “I’m responsible, please take my life because I’ve displeasured you.”
“IYÉ!” He grabbed the sword and threw it away. “You think that’ll bring Ueki-ya back to life?”
Then, suddenly, he realized what he had done, and what he was doing now. “Oh, Jesus God …”
He left them. In despair he went to the outcrop above the village near the shrine that was beside the ancient gnarled cypress tree and he wept.
He wept because a good man was dead unnecessarily and because he knew now that he had murdered him. “Lord God forgive me. I’m responsible—not Fujiko. I killed him. I ordered that no one was to touch the pheasant but me. I asked her if everyone understood and she said yes. I ordered it with mock gravity but that doesn’t matter now. I gave the orders, knowing their law and knowing their customs. The old man broke my stupid order so what else could Fujiko-san do? I’m to blame.”
In time the tears were spent. It was deep night now. He returned to his house.
Fujiko was waiting for him as always, but alone. The sword was across her lap. She offered it to him. “Dozo—dozo, Anjin-san.”
“Iyé,” he said, taking the sword as a sword should be taken. “Iyé, Fujiko-san. Shigata ga nai, neh? Karma, neh?” His hand touched her in apology. He knew that she had had to bear all the worst of his stupidity.
Her tears spilled. “Arigato, arigato go—goziemashita, Anjin-san,” she said brokenly. “Gomen nasai …”
His heart went out to her.
Yes, Blackthorne thought with great sadness, yes it did, but that doesn’t excuse you or take away her humiliation—or bring Ueki-ya back to life. You were to blame. You should have known better….
“Anjin-san!” Naga said.
“Yes? Yes, Naga-san?” He pulled himself out of his remorse and looked down at the youth who walked beside him. “Sorry, what you say?”
“I said I hoped to be your friend.”
“Ah, thank you.”
“Yes, and perhaps you’d—” There was a jumble of words Blackthorne did not understand.
“Please?”
“Teach, neh? Understand ‘teach’? Teach about world?”
“Ah, yes, so sorry. Teach what, please?”
“About foreign lands—outside lands. The world, neh?”
“Ah, understand now. Yes, try.”
They were near the guards now. “Begin tomorrow, Anjin-san. Friends, neh?”
“Yes, Naga-san. Try.”
“Good.” Very satisfied, Naga nodded. When they came up to the samurai Naga ordered them out of the way, motioning Blackthorne to go on alone. He obeyed, feeling very alone in the circle of men.
“Ohayo, Toranaga-sama. Ohayo, Mariko-san,” he said, joining them.
“Ohayo, Anjin-san. Dozo suwaru.” Good day, Anjin-san, please sit down.
Mariko smiled at him. “Ohayo, Anjin-san. Ikaga desu ka?”
“Yoi, domo.” Blackthorne looked back at her, so glad to see her. “Thy presence fills me with joy, great joy,” he said in Latin.
“And thine—it is so good