Shot in the Heart - Mikal Gilmore [168]
MEANTIME, GARY HAD HIS OWN HOPES.
Among his friends at Oregon State Penitentiary was a young man I’ll call Barry Black. Some of Gary’s other inmate friends would later express their belief that Barry might have been Gary’s secret prison lover, but Gary steadfastly denied that he ever had homosexual affairs or partners in his prison years. Still, there is little doubt that, in some form or another, Gary loved Barry Black. Barry was the friend that Gary turned to first when he needed help—Barry was the man who had comforted my brother after Frank and I had given him the news of Gaylen’s death—and apparently Gary thought that the two of them might have a successful friendship outside of prison as well. When Gary learned Barry was going to be taken for some dental surgery to the University of Oregon Dental School, up in the West Hills of Portland, he talked Barry into arranging for the trip to coincide with Gary’s own school release schedule. Gary told his friend he would meet him in Portland at the dental school. He had a plan for the two of them.
ON AN EARLY MORNING IN LATE FALL, A PRISON GUARD drove Gary to the halfway house dormitory in Eugene, where he would spend his evenings, and released him. He gave Gary a new set of clothes and his first week’s school allowance. He told Gary that he had a day or two to get registered at school and become familiar with the campus, and to buy his books and art supplies. He also told Gary that he had to be back at the dormitory by early evening. He could leave the dorm in the evenings only for the purpose of approved night classes.
“You’re on your own now, Gary,” the guard said. “Don’t fuck up. We’re counting on you.”
Gary told the guard not to worry and shook his hand.
Gary walked over to the campus and found the gymnasium, where school registration was taking place. He picked up his packet and began to fill out his forms, but he got intimidated, he later said, by all the confusing lines of people around him. The students all looked so young and confident, so attractive, so nicely dressed. It made him feel nervous and out of place. He went for a walk and found a bar. He had a few drinks. He thought to himself that he could still register for school the next day, but that he needed to use this day to relax. He found his way over to the freeway and hitched a ride to my mother’s place, almost a hundred miles away in Oak Grove. He knew he was violating his release agreement, but he was sure he could be back to the dorm by early evening.
Gary visited with my mother for an hour or two, until it was time for her to go to work. She had been overjoyed to see him. Around noon that same day, he showed up at the door of my small house, near Portland State University. I was taking my own second stab at college, and I was close to being late for class. But when I saw Gary at my door, smiling and looking nervous, I felt like I had to take the time for him. He came in and we talked for a while. I asked him if he had started his classes yet. He told me about going over to the campus and being flustered by all the young people around him. He said he just wanted to see his mother and me and a couple of his friends, and then he would be all right. “I’ll go back before the night,” he said. “I can still register tomorrow without getting in any trouble.”
But the next afternoon Gary showed up again, wearing the same clothes. He had a red glare about his eyes. He obviously had not returned to Eugene and, for his failure to do so, would not only lose his scholarship but could be sentenced to additional jail time.
“Gary, what in the hell are you doing here?”
He skirted the question. “Let’s go get some lunch someplace. Know any good places?” I was pissed. Gary was blowing something important, plus, he was being pushy. But I didn’t know how far I could push back with him. I went to get my jacket. When I returned, he was on the phone.