Silent Run - Barbara Freethy [47]
“Up north, about two hours from here, by Santa Barbara.” As she answered the question, Sarah wondered if she’d made a mistake coming to LA. Instead of getting closer to her daughter, she might be even farther away. “Caitlyn could still be up there somewhere,” she said to Jake.
“Maybe, but we need to check your apartment. There could be a clue there that will lead us in another direction.”
“I didn’t realize you’d gone so far away,” Amanda said thoughtfully.
“I guess that means I didn’t tell you about anyplace I knew of up north?” Sarah asked.
“You once said you loved San Francisco. Perhaps you were going there.”
“That’s where she was with me,” Jake said.
Had she been running back to Jake and just hadn’t made it? But no, Caitlyn hadn’t been in the car. Would she have gone to Jake without their daughter? That didn’t seem right.
“I wish I could help.” Amanda offered her a compassionate smile. “I feel so bad that you don’t know where Katie is. You must be dying inside. You love that kid more than life.”
“I am dying.” Sarah swallowed hard, a knot of emotion choking her throat. Amanda was the first person who’d actually felt empathy for her situation that was not tainted by anger or a sense of betrayal. It was nice to know that not everyone hated her, and some people actually knew she was a good mother. It helped to rekindle her faith in herself. “I can’t stand not knowing where Caitlyn is. I have to find her. I have to make sure she’s all right.”
“I’m sure she’s safe. You’re a really good mother. You must have left Katie with someone you trust.”
“I hope so. Can I have the key to my apartment, please?”
“All right.”
“Wait,” Sarah said quickly. There was something about the look in Amanda’s eye that bothered her. “Don’t call the police, okay?”
“Samantha, you need professional help.” Amanda dropped her voice a notch as she added, “And you don’t know who this guy is. He could be anyone.”
“The police up in Santa Barbara know I’m with him, and they checked him out,” Sarah answered.
“If anything happens to me, they know I’m with him. I don’t want to slow things down by having to explain the situation over again to someone new.”
“All right. I won’t call the cops—yet—but I reserve the right to change my mind. Wait here and I’ll get you the key.”
Amanda disappeared into her apartment, shutting the door in their faces, leaving Sarah and Jake alone in the hall.
Sarah wrapped her arms around her waist as a chill ran through her. It was a warm day outside, but in this dark hallway, the corridor to her past, it was cold and a little scary. Was she ready for the truth? Or had her brain shut down because she couldn’t handle it?
“I can’t believe you traded what we had for this place,” Jake muttered, digging his hands into his pockets as he gazed down the narrow hallway. “Whatever trouble you were in, you should have come to me. I would have done anything for you. I would have protected you. You didn’t have to run to the other end of the state, take a job cleaning toilets at night, and drag my daughter around deserted office buildings so you could make a buck. If you didn’t want to stay with me, you should have left Caitlyn behind.”
She didn’t know what to say to him. His words made perfect sense. Her actions didn’t. But she obviously hadn’t believed that he could protect her, or she wouldn’t have run. If she was afraid for him, and was trying to save him from the danger that followed her, why would she have kept Caitlyn with her, exposed to potential harm? She couldn’t answer that question either. She couldn’t explain her actions to Jake, because she didn’t understand them. Until she did it was pointless to try to justify her behavior.
“I have to believe that I made the right choice for my daughter,” she said. “You want me to trust you, Jake, but I also have to trust myself. I don’t think I’m a bad person. I have to go with my instincts. That’s all I have.”
Before Jake could reply, Amanda opened the door and handed Sarah a key.