Sirens of Titan - Kurt Vonnegut [59]
"I guess he don’t feel much like talking today, folks," Marlin T. Lapp would say. "You got to realize he’s got a lot to think about. He isn’t just here, folks. Him and his dog are spread all the way from the Sun to Betelgeuse."
Until the last day of the war, all the action and all the noise was provided by Marlin T. Lapp. "I think it’s wonderful of all you people, on this great day in the history of the world, to come and see this great cultural and educational and scientific exhibit," Lapp said on the last day of the war.
"If this ghost ever speaks," said Lapp, "he is going to tell us of wonders in the past and the future, and of things in the Universe as yet undreamed of I just hope some of you are lucky enough to be here when he decides the time is ripe to tell us all he can."
"The time is ripe," said Rumfoord hollowly.
"The time is rotten-ripe," said Winston Niles Rumfoord.
"The war that ends so gloriously today was glorious only for the saints who lost it. Those saints were Earthlings like yourselves. They went to Mars, mounted their hopeless attacks, and died gladly, in order that Earthlings might at last become one people—joyful, fraternal, and proud.
"Their wish, when they died," said Rumfoord, "was not for paradise for themselves, but that the brotherhood of mankind on Earth might be enduring.
"To that end, devoutly to be wished," said Rumfoord, "I bring you word of a new religion that can be received enthusiastically in every corner of every Earthling heart.
"National borders," said Rumfoord, "will disappear.
"The lust for war," said Rumfoord, "will die.
"All envy, all fear, all hate will die," said Rumfoord.
"The name of the new religion," said Rumfoord, "is The Church of God the Utterly Indifferent.
"The flag of that church will be blue and gold," said Rumfoord. "These words will be written on that flag in gold letters on a blue field: Take Care of the People, and God Almighty Will Take Care of Himself.
"The two chief teachings of this religion are these," said Rumfoord: "Puny man can do nothing at all to help or please God Almighty, and Luck is not the hand of God.
"Why should you believe in this religion, rather than any other?" said Rumfoord. "You should believe in it because I, as head of this religion, can work miracles, and the head of no other religion can. What miracles can I work? I can work the miracle of predicting, with absolute accuracy, the things that the future will bring."
Rumfoord thereupon predicted fifty future events in great detail.
These predictions were carefully recorded by those present.
Needless to say, they all came true eventually— came true in great detail.
"The teachings of this religion will seem subtle and confusing at first," said Rumfoord. "But they will become beautiful and crystal clear as time goes by.
"As a presently confusing beginning," said Rumfoord, "I shall tell you a parable:
"Once upon a time, luck arranged things so that a baby named Malachi Constant was born the richest child on Earth. On the same day, luck arranged things so that a blind grandmother stepped on a rollerskate at the head of a flight of cement stairs, a policeman’s horse stepped on an organ-grinder’s monkey, and a paroled bank robber found a postage stamp worth nine hundred dollars in the bottom of a trunk in his attic. I ask you—is luck the hand of God?"
Rumfoord held up an index finger that was as translucent as a Limoges teacup. "During my next visit with you, fellow-believers," he said. "I shall tell you a parable about people who do things that they think God Almighty wants done. In the meanwhile, you would do well, for background on this parable, to read everything that you can lay your hands on about the Spanish Inquisition.
"The next time I come to you," said Rumfoord, "I shall bring you a Bible, revised so as to be meaningful in modern times. And I shall bring you a short history of Mars,