Sisterhood Everlasting - Ann Brashares [69]
Lena trudged back to her closet to look for something red. She had one thing, and she didn’t know if she could bring herself to put her hands on it. It was a red silk dress—or maybe rayon—simple but fitted and kind of short. Tibby and Carmen had bought it for her to wear to her first gallery opening, a group show at Larker, but Lena had chickened out at the last minute and worn brown.
Effie would have had ten things to lend Lena on the spot, and she would have given them generously. They would be big on Lena, but Effie would belt them or pin them in her magical way, and they would transform her. Lena would look ten times prettier and also uncomfortable.
The thought of making peace with Effie felt about like embarking on an Ironman triathlon: absurdly grueling, but Lena knew the steps it would take to accomplish it, even badly. The thought of trying to be close to Carmen again felt more like trying to design a time machine using only the things in her kitchen. She had no idea how to go about it and no faith that such a thing could be done.
Some nights when she lay in bed, she imagined her way through Carmen’s day. Other nights, she went through Bee’s. She could picture them doing the regular things. She could picture Bee pedaling up hills on her bike, buying falafel from a truck parked at the edge of Dolores Park or eating a burrito from Pancho Villa the size of a newborn baby. She pictured Carmen in her trailer parked on the Bowery or Seventh Avenue, in the makeup chair with a cup of coffee in one hand, her script in the other, her iPhone on her lap. She pictured Carmen sweeping into crowded restaurants alongside Jones and his pretentious glasses.
But when she tried to see into their minds, to think their thoughts, she couldn’t. When she tried to imagine how they were making sense of things, what they might know that she didn’t, how they fit the brutal facts into their lives, what memories they were carrying around, she couldn’t. That exercise had been effortless for most of her life, and now it wasn’t. They seemed almost like strangers to her; she could only see them from the outside.
Bridget was the one she worried about, even from the outside. Bridget was the one with the deepest fault lines. She was the one least able to diagnose or treat her own condition.
As the days passed, there was some robotically maternal part of Lena that couldn’t quite let Bee go. Every few days Lena left a message for Bridget or wrote an email, certain as she did that it was going straight into the digital abyss. But she didn’t know what else to do.
She’d even called Bee’s dad once and left a message. She hadn’t said anything important and wasn’t so surprised he hadn’t called back, but still. Lena thought it was tough having parents who tried too zealously to fix your troubles, but how would it be to have a parent who didn’t even notice them?
When the phone rang on Lena’s desk amid all her packing, she was so surprised that she answered it. She was down to one regular caller, her mother, and Ari had taken to leaving messages on her cellphone, because the mailbox—unlike the one on her home phone—wasn’t full.
“Lena?”
“Yes.”
“Why is it you can’t meet for the next two weeks?” The voice was loud and speaking Greek.
“Eudoxia. Hi.”
“Are you going somewhere?”
“Yes.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? Where?” Usually they confirmed and occasionally canceled their Wednesday-afternoon coffee by email. They hadn’t spoken on the phone in years.
Lena took a breath. She tried to summon Ann B. Davis playing the sensible Brady Bunch maid. In Greek. “To Santorini.”
“You are going back? Why?”
She remembered with some longing the comfort of Eudoxia as a disembodied Greek-speaking voice on the phone and then Eudoxia as a large, kind, pastry-eating stranger. But Eudoxia was long past being a stranger now. It was frustrating how when people loved you they took an interest in you and sometimes worried about you and