Skulduggery Pleasant_ Death Bringer - Derek Landy [56]
The taxi dropped her in Haggard and she cut through the park. She could almost have predicted who would step out in front of her.
“I failed you,” Caelan said.
“Hi Chuckles,” she responded. She didn’t stop walking.
“I should have been faster,” he said from beside her. “I should have torn that Necromancer’s throat out. But she took you away before I… I will not fail you again.”
“Don’t worry about it. What’re you doing in town?”
“I’m here for you.”
“Did you drive? Get the bus? Do vampires get buses?”
He stepped in front of her. “You make jokes,” he said. “But I see nothing to laugh at. The Death Bringer, Lord Vile, the end of the world… none of that would be as bad as losing you.”
“I’m sorry? No more smooches is worse than the world ending? Seriously? You really want to stand behind that statement? You don’t think it’s a teensy bit melodramatic?”
“Without our love, Valkyrie, there is no world left to save.”
“And that statement actually makes less sense than the one before it. Caelan, you’ve got to cop on to yourself. I’ve read Wuthering Heights, OK? I know the whole gloomy-tortured-romantic figure thing. Everyone knows it. It’s not as romantic as you’d think. Where’s the fun? Where’s the laughter? I couldn’t be with anyone I couldn’t have a bit of craic with. I know you hate him but for God’s sake, at least Fletcher is fun to be around.”
Caelan’s face shifted, becoming cold. “Do you love him more than you love me?”
“I never said the word love. I said the word fun.”
“We have fun.”
“We have a certain kind of fun, yes, but we don’t laugh. When was the last time we laughed together?”
“You laugh with Fletcher?”
“All the time.”
“Then the boy has his uses. When you need to laugh at something, you have him to laugh at. When you need to be fulfilled, you have me.”
“You’re really not getting this.”
He took her hand in his and knelt before her. “Marry me,” he said.
Valkyrie looked at him. He was serious. She had never used the word dude in a serious conversation before. She didn’t think this qualified. “Dude, I’m sixteen.”
“I love you.”
“That doesn’t make me any older. Stand up.”
“Not until you say yes.”
“You’re going to shuffle around on your knees for the rest of your life? Stand up, for God’s sake.” She waited until he did as she asked. “Did you seriously propose to me? Have you not heard anything I’ve been saying these past few months? This is ridiculous. This is beyond ridiculous.”
“Be my wife.”
“Shut the hell up. What did I tell you? What did I tell you about coming on too strong? Do you not think a marriage proposal falls into that category?”
“We are destined for each other.”
“No we’re not. Caelan, I’ve made it quite bloody clear. I’ve been with you because you’re really good-looking and you’re dangerous. That’s attractive to me. That’s a good combination. But they are the only reasons we were together. It’s not love.”
“It’s fate.”
“It’s not fate either, you idiot. Why do you like me?”
“I love you.”
“Then why do you love me? Give me five good reasons why you love me.”
“Because you’re beautiful.”
“You’re absolutely right there, but that’s got nothing to do with me, that’s genetics. Four more, sunshine.”
“You’re intelligent. You are the light in my darkness.”
“Intelligent, that’s reason number two. Light in the darkness? That’s not a reason, that’s a bad song lyric.”
“You’re full of life. I look at you and I’m reminded of the glory of humanity, how they seize life and let it fill them to the brim.”
“I remind you of the glory of humanity. OK, that’s reason number three. Two more.”
Caelan smiled. “There are more reasons why I love you than there are stars in the night sky.”
“In that case you won’t have any problem coming up with two more.”
He hesitated.
“You don’t love me,” she told him. “You think you do. You like the idea of it. But the fact of the matter is that you’re a hundred and something years