Sloppy Firsts_ A Jessica Darling Novel - Megan McCafferty [16]
But I can’t think of anything (track, student council, Key Club, and so on) that gets me as psyched as that. Or as giddy as the Clueless Crew gets from organizing a pep rally or decorating the Jocks’ lockers before a big game. I wish I were artistic, like Hope. That’s passion. That’s something to get excited about. I do everything I do because it will look good on my college applications. Depressing, isn’t it?
the fourteenth
Valentine’s Day. Excruciating.
The torture started at lunch. It took every ounce of my energy to restrain myself from throttling Bridget and Manda. (This is part of my ongoing effort to avoid turning into a social outcast.) All they did was complain about how their boyfriends didn’t put as much effort into this mushy, Blue Mountain Arts watercolor holiday as they did. They made the classic mistake that all cupid-stupid girlfriends make: They assumed guys give a damn about V-Day.
"I bought Burke a card. And a teddy bear. And a bag of Hershey’s Kisses," Bridget said, seething. "All he bought me was a cruddy carnation that’s like, sold by the Key Club."
"Well, at least Burke bought you something. I got squat," Manda whined. Then she paused for effect. "After this weekend, Bernie should’ve gotten me something really nice. If you know what I mean."
The Headmaster’s wink-wink, nudge-nudge aside was totally unnecessary. Even Hy is hip to Manda’s reputation, and she’s only been here for a little over a week. A few days ago Manda was wearing what Hope and I call the "infamous booty skirt." This inspired Burke and P.J. to whisper about how hypocritical it was that Manda wouldn’t hook up with the coolest sophomores or juniors but would happily do total dorks just because they’re seniors.
Hy overheard this convo and pulled me aside in between classes.
"Is Manda a skank or what?"
Hy can be pretty blunt.
"What’s your definition of skank?" I asked.
Hy didn’t hesitate. "A skank fucks skeezas she barely knows."
"Well, then Manda isn’t a skank."
Then I explained Manda’s Clintonian philosophy: 100 percent pure until penetration.
Hy thought about this for a moment.
"She may not be a skank," she said. "But girl, she’s skanky for real."
I had to agree.
Manda’s latest conquest is Bernie Hufnagel. I remember the day she decided Bernie was cute. She spotted him across the crowded cafeteria, putting one of his fellow wrestlers in a headlock, and said, "Bernie Hufnagel is cute." Less than a week later, they were swapping spit outside the boys’ locker room before his wrestling match.
I’ve got to give that girl props. Manda is only okay-looking: Her full lips and lush lashes are the best features on an otherwise flat face. Yet she makes the most of what she’s got. She starts pouting and fluttering—not to mention flaunting her huge hooters—and she can get anyone she wants. If she wanted to, she’d be in Paul Parlipiano’s pants by the end of the day. And that’s a power I can’t help but envy.
She’s only been "dating" Bernie for a week and it’s highly unlikely he’ll make it to March. (Although they do have something in common: He’s always trying to make weight, so he never eats either.) So it was incredibly annoying to have to listen to her gripe about his insensitivity on this, a day devoted to all things lovey-dovey.
What was worse, however, was hearing Hy go on about how she and Fly don’t celebrate V-Day because they think it’s more important to show love for each other every day, and not get all artificially mushy on February fourteenth.
"That’s deep," said Manda.
"Yeah," said Bridget.
Sara, who celebrates this holiday by quadrupling the number of Omigod!-I’m-so-fat-I’ll-never-get-a-boyfriends, just sighed into her Diet Coke.
Jesus Christ. I hate Valentine’s Day. It goes back to that elementary-school tradition of collecting all the valentines in one big cardboard box o’love and the teacher handing them out one by one in front of the entire class. This was fine and dandy in first and second grade when Valentine’s Day was an equal-opportunity holiday and everyone gave valentines to everyone