Sloppy Firsts_ A Jessica Darling Novel - Megan McCafferty [24]
"Amaya is boiling bunnies over Colin …"
"Who? What?!"
"And Ruthie is an alkie in denial. And Justin …"
"Jessie! What are you talking about? Who are these people? Are they friends of yours?"
"Uh, not really," I said. "They’re from The Real World."
My mom sighed and said, "Jessie, I asked you how your day was."
That’s when I realized I had gotten too attached to the TV.
When Scotty invited me over to his house today, I thought,Okay. Here’s my chance to be social. I rode my bike over. When I arrived, I rang the bell and waited for someone to come to the door. No one did. I could hear noises coming from inside, so I knew they were in there. I rang a few more times before I just let myself in.
Shouts led me to the basement. Besides Scotty, Bridget and Burke were there, and Scotty’s baseball buddy P.J. The guys were huddled around the TV, playing a wrestling videogame. Bridget was standing over Burke’s shoulder, watching intently.
"Hey, guys!" I shouted.
"Waaaaazzzzzzuuuuup!" shouted Scotty.
"Smackdown!" shouted P.J.
"Three sixteen! Three sixteen!" shouted B. and B.
I tried talking to Bridget, thinking she might be grateful for the arrival of someone without a Y chromosome. But she gave me one-word answers, eyes superglued to the screen.
I can’t believe we used to be best friends.
The Royal Rumble went on for ten more minutes before Burke "Stone Cold" Roy was declared the winner. Only then did they acknowledge my presence.
"Hey Jess, did you see how I made Glazer my bitch?"
"Bee ess! Don’t believe that muther effing see sucker."
"You got spanked! You pussy!"
And then Scotty twisted P.J.’s arms around his neck and made him beg for mercy.
I was stupid to think that they would turn off the game and—I don’t know—talk or something. Instead, they just popped in another game. This one involved riding on skateboards and blowing each other up. I was used to this for an hour or two on Saturday nights. But I realized that they were going to do this all day. Girls will get together just to get together. Guys need an activity as an excuse. Otherwise it’s too homo for them to handle.
Just then, I heard a toilet flush—not with a whoosh, but with a long, labored belch. Rob emerged from the bathroom, zipping up his fly, Lysol in hand.
"Dude, I just destroyed your shitter," he said with scatological pride.
Rob’s assplosion was, literally, the final blow, so I said good-bye. Scotty handed his controller off to Bridget—who squealed "I can’t play this!"—and walked me out to the driveway.
"Sucked for you, huh?" he said.
"Not really."
"Yeah, right."
Pause.
"What are you gonna do now?"
I didn’t know. But I didn’t want to come right out and say I didn’t know.
"I think I might go over to Hy’s for a while," I lied.
"You two are becoming pretty good friends, huh?"
"I guess."
"Sorry it sucked for you."
"Yeah, me too."
And I meant it. Things would be a lot easier if it hadn’t.
the twenty-second
I made the mistake of promising my mom that I’d help her and Bethany prepare invitations for the big day. This is how desperate I was for things to do.
At first, my mom and my sister did what they do best: Torture me about Scotty.
"So are you taking Scotty to the wedding?" my sister asked.
"Uh, I don’t know yet."
Her nostrils flared with a sharp, annoyed exhalation of air. "You don’t know?" she asked. "Mother?!"
My mom intervened.
"Jessie, when are you planning to ask him?"
"I don’t know," I said. "The wedding is still three months away."
My sister was about to pop a blood vessel.
"What do you think we’re doing right now? We’re preparing invitations. How can I know whether to send him one if you haven’t decided if you’re taking him?"
"He won’t care if he doesn’t get an invitation," I said.
"I don’t care if he doesn’t care," snorted my sister. "It’s the proper thing to do."
I’m sure this would have gone on for hours if my sister hadn’t picked up an invitation to wave in my face. Before she put it back on the pile, she glanced at the writing. That’s when the blonde bond broke down and things