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"Gee dee, Jess. Why do you have to put it like that?"

"You said it, not me."

"That’s not how I said it."

"Fine. I guess if you can’t say it, you can’t do it."

Scotty sighed. "You’re doing this on purpose."

"I’m not doing anything." My dulcet voice, innocent.

"Yes you are. You’re pissing me off on purpose."

"Me? No, you’re doing this on purpose."

"Doing what?"

Here it was. My chance to get this thing—this us thing—out in the open. "Trying to make me jealous."

He sputtered into the receiver. "W-w-why would I try to make you jealous?"

Get ready. Here it comes. "Because you like me. Because you want me to be your girlfriend again."

Silence.

"Did you really think Hope wasn’t going to tell me?"

More silence. A barely-there groan, maybe.

"You give me an effing headache. Good night." Scotty hung up the phone.

And I was tired, tired, tired, tired.

the twenty-ninth

Today was Hy’s trip to N.Y.C. with the Clueless Crew. Big whoop.

It turned out that I didn’t have a meet. Coach Kiley pulled us from today’s relays to rest us up for the more important meets coming up. I didn’t intentionally lie to them. But once I realized my mistake, I didn’t correct it either. Too demoralizing.

So I could’ve been on a bus to N.Y.C. this morning. Instead, I was downing coffee and Cap’n Crunch while my mother yapped about making table favors for the big day. But I was too tired for tulle talk.

"Spare me, Mom."

"I am sick of your bad moods," she said.

"It’s not my fault I’ve been PMS-ing for five months."

"What?!"

I informed her that I hadn’t had my period since December. And that’s when she freaked out. Her eyes immediately shot down to my abdomen, looking for signs of life.

I laughed out loud. "Mom! There is no possible way I’m pregnant."

Mom wanted me to go to the gyno but I told her I wasn’t getting in the stirrups until I was eighteen or sexually active—and let’s face it, we know which one of those is going to come first. So she called up our family doc, Dr. Hayden. To tell you the truth, I was incredibly relieved. It was about time I found out what was wrong with me.

As soon as I got there, I remembered why I’d held off. I hate waiting rooms in doctors’ offices. First of all, they’re full of sick people, spreading their germs all over the place. I found this particularly annoying today because I wasn’t sick. I was getting all the contamination without giving any. Secondly, the magazines suck. I guess they figure Highlights will appeal to both ends of the drooling spectrum: children and senile senior citizens. Everyone in between can just die of boredom, or of whatever disease you’re at the doctor’s office for, since they make you sit there so damn long.

After an eternal wait, I was finally called into the examining room.

"Do you want me to go with you?" my mom asked.

"No."

First I got measured (5 feet 5 inches) and weighed (105 pounds in my clothes). Then I put on the gown and got my blood pressure and temp taken. The nurse drew some blood. I gave a urine sample.

Then I waited for another twenty-five excruciating minutes.

Dr. Hayden finally came bustling into the room and got right down to business.

"So Jessica, what’s the problem?"

"Well, let’s just start off with the one that brought me here. I haven’t gotten my period in five months."

"I see. Jessica, I’m going to ask you some sensitive questions that I need to know the answers to. You can be sure I won’t tell your mother."

"I’m not sexually active, if that’s what you want to know."

"Yes, that’s one thing I wanted to know."

He looked over my chart. "You’re very thin. Are you familiar with the female athlete triad?"

Jesus Christ! My own doctor thinks I’m anorexic.

"Perhaps you don’t eat enough and exercise too much, which contributes to the absence of the menstrual period.…"

"Amenorrhea," I said.

"Amenorrhea," he repeated, surprised that I knew the technical term. "Which, over time, leads to a third problem.…"

"Osteoporosis."

"Correct!" His enthusiastic affirmation reminded me of a combo