Small Gods - Terry Pratchett [54]
Candidates for the Tyrantship were elected by the placing of black or white balls in various urns, thus giving rise to a well-known comment about politics.
The Tyrant was a fat little man with skinny legs, giving people the impression of an egg that was hatching upside down. He was sitting alone in the middle of the marble floor, in a chair surrounded by scrolls and scraps of paper. His feet didn’t touch the marble, and his face was pink.
Aristocrates whispered something in his ear. The Tyrant looked up from his paperwork.
“Ah, the Omnian delegation,” he said, and a smile flashed across his face like something small darting across a stone. “Do be seated, all of you.”
He looked down again.
“I am Deacon Vorbis of the Citadel Quisition,” said Vorbis coldly.
The Tyrant looked up and gave him another lizard smile.
“Yes, I know,” he said. “You torture people for a living. Please be seated, Deacon Vorbis. And your plump young friend who seems to be looking for something. And the rest of you. Some young women will be along in a moment with grapes and things. This generally happens. It’s very hard to stop it, in fact.”
There were benches in front of the Tyrant’s chair. The Omnians sat down. Vorbis remained standing.
The Tyrant nodded. “As you wish,” he said.
“This is intolerable!” snapped Vorbis. “We have been treated—”
“Much better than you would have treated us,” said the Tyrant mildly. “You sit or you stand, my lord, because this is Ephebe and indeed you may stand on your head for all I care, but don’t expect me to believe that if it was I, seeking peace in your Citadel, I would be encouraged to do anything but grovel on what was left of my stomach. Be seated or be upstanding, my lord, but be quiet. I have nearly finished.”
“Finished what?” said Vorbis.
“The peace treaty,” said the Tyrant.
“But that is what we are here to discuss,” said Vorbis.
“No,” said the Tyrant. The lizard scuttled again: “That is what you are here to sign.”
Om took a deep breath and then pushed himself forward.
It was quite a steep flight of steps. He felt every one as he bumped down, but at least he was upright at the bottom.
He was lost, but being lost in Ephebe was preferable to being lost in the Citadel. At least there were no obvious cellars.
Library, library, library…
There was a library in the Citadel, Brutha had said. He’d described it, so Om had some idea of what he was looking for.
There would be a book in it.
Peace negotiations were not going well.
“You attacked us!” said Vorbis.
“I would call it preemptive defense,” said the Tyrant. “We saw what happened to Istanzia and Betrek and Ushistan.”
“They saw the truth of Om!”
“Yes,” said the Tyrant. “We believe they did, eventually.”
“And they are now proud members of the Empire.”
“Yes,” said the Tyrant. “We believe they are. But we like to remember them as they were. Before you sent them your letters, that put the minds of men in chains.”
“That set the feet of men on the right road,” said Vorbis.
“Chain letters,” said the Tyrant. “The Chain Letter to the Ephebians. Forget Your Gods. Be Subjugated. Learn to Fear. Do not break the chain—the last people who did woke up one morning to find fifty thousand armed men on their lawn.”
Vorbis sat back.
“What is it you fear?” he said. “Here in your desert, with your…gods? Is it not that, deep in your souls, you know that your gods are as shifting as your sand?”
“Oh, yes,” said the Tyrant. “We know that. That’s always been a point in their favor. We know about sand. And your God is a rock—and we know about rock.”
Om stumped along a cobbled alley, keeping to the shade as much as possible.
There seemed to be a lot of courtyards. He paused