Snowbound - Blake Crouch [72]
A half hour later, Devlin sat on the hearth before the fire, eating beef stew and buttered biscuits.
When she finished her late supper, she crawled under the covers next to her mother. She could feel the warmth of the fire through the blanket, the room dark, quiet, filled with the respirations of women sleeping, the crack and hiss of the flames devouring the wood, a slumber party like Devlin could never have imagined. She was asleep within a minute.
Rachael lay on her side, facing her husband, his face awash in firelight. She thought for sure he’d aged more than five years, his features harder, leaner, not a hint of the baby fat that had once smoothed his jawline, given him those boyish good looks she’d fallen for in college. She even thought she saw strands of silver.
Will opened his eyes. Rachael smiled.
“Are you warm?” he whispered. She nodded, the child in her belly active. She wanted to take Will’s hand, let him feel the tiny thrusts of the baby’s knees and elbow. “You’ve got that deep-thinking look on your face,” he said.
“It’s going to be difficult.”
“What?”
“Reintegrating, coming together again. I’m not sure how I’ll make it on the outside. I feel like I’m being released after a twenty-year prison sentence. Like I won’t know what to do with myself. How to be a mother again. A wife.”
“We’ll make it work, Rachael.”
“You say that, but . . . you don’t realize—”
“I don’t care how hard it is.”
“You say that now.”
“I mean it now. I’ll mean it later.”
“I want you to feel something.” She took his wrist and pressed the palm of his hand against the side of her stomach.
“Kicking,” Will said.
“Yeah. It’s his busy time. Usually wakes me up doing this in the middle of the night.”
“You know it’s a he?”
“Not for certain, but I’ve gotten good at telling. Feels like boy energy.”
“How many have you had since you’ve been here?”
“This is my fourth.”
“What happened to the others?”
“They sold them.”
“Jesus. How far along are you?”
“Six and a half months. I’m going to keep him.”
“Why would you—”
“I’ve had three of my babies taken away from me—a week after birth. I think they must sell them. I tried not to get attached, fought it. But it didn’t matter. They didn’t know what they came from. All they knew was that I was their mother, and I loved every one of them, and I still do. I want to keep this one. Raise him. Might be the only good thing about any of this. I know this is difficult for you. I’ve been damaged beyond repair in your eyes.”
“I don’t feel that way, Rach.”
“Well, if you do—”
“I don’t.”
“If you do . . . just understand that I don’t expect you to do something you aren’t capable of. You know, this almost would’ve been easier if you’d met someone, remarried. At least you wouldn’t have a choice then.”
Will put his hands on Rachael’s face. “You’re still my wife. Devlin’s mother. I have no illusions about how hard it’s gonna be. But we are going to try. I want to.”
“How do you feel about keeping this baby?”
“Puts my stomach in knots, but maybe that’ll change. You can help me. Look, you were a psychologist, so keep in mind all you’ve been through. You’re in no shape to try to think about your life when you leave this place. Just try to stay in the moment for now. I am.”
“Why didn’t you remarry?”
“Because I’m in love with you.”
“You didn’t meet anyone who—”
“I never opened myself up to it.”
“Why?”
“Because I still loved my wife. Even when I thought you were dead.” He reached out and wiped her face, touched the tiny white scar under her bottom lip that he used to kiss religiously. “Now close your eyes and think only about the fact that you’re lying between your husband