Social Engineering - Christopher Hadnagy [103]
She looked at me and I could tell she was now even more embarrassed, so to save face for her, I loudly said, “Ma’am, I am sorry for laughing and embarrassing you.” This allowed her to save face to those around us. She understood that I “took one for the team” and she responded with extreme kindness. A minute later she apologized and it worked to my benefit as I was given all the data I asked for, data I normally would have had to work very hard to get.
A teacher I had once used to tell me to “kill them with kindness.” That is a pretty powerful statement. Being kind to people is a quick way to build rapport and to establish yourself in the five fundamentals of persuasion and influence.
One method to influence people using kindness and rapport is to ask questions and give choices that lead them to a path you want. For example, once I was influenced to take a job I really didn’t want as part of a team effort. The team leader was very charismatic and friendly and had the “charm factor” that allowed him to speak to anyone. He approached me and said, “Chris, I wanted to talk to you separately from the team. I need a right hand for a small project. But the person needs to be a go-getter, self motivated. I think this is you, but I don’t want to assume; what do you think?”
I was excited and flattered by the compliments and the potential to be “important,” so I responded, “I am a very self-motivated person. Whatever you need, tell me.”
The team leader continued, “Well, I am a big believer in leading by example. And I think you have that leadership quality. The problem is, some on the team do not, and they need a strong person to show them how it is done.”
Before the end of the conversation, what he wanted appeared as if it was my idea, which made it impossible to back out of. Powerful indeed, and all started with the power of persuasion.
Be in Tune with Yourself and Your Surroundings
Being aware of yourself and your surroundings, or sensory acuity, is the ability to notice the signs in the person you are targeting and yourself that will tell you that you are moving in the right direction or not.
Many of the principles discussed in the previous chapter apply to persuasion. Reading body language and facial signs can tell you much about your influence on the person.
To really master the dual art of influence and persuasion, you have to become a master watcher and master listener. Chris Westbury, a cognitive neuropsychologist at the University of Alberta, Canada, estimates that human brains process information at 20 million billion calculations per second. Those calculations are represented by facial expressions, microexpressions, gestures, posture, voice tones, eye blinks, breathing rate, speech patterns, nonverbal utterances, and many more types of distinguishing patterns. Mastering influence means to be aware of those subtle things in yourself and others.
I found, for myself, the ability to be observant proved to be easier for me after receiving some training from Dr. Ekman in microexpressions. I found afterward that not only did I become much more aware of what was going on with those around me, but also myself. When I felt a certain expression on my face, I was able to analyze it and see how it might be portrayed to others. This recognition of myself and my surroundings was one of the most enlightening experiences of my life.
NLP experts promote minimizing your internal dialog when trying to influence others. If you approach the target thinking about the next stage of the attack, the end goal, or comebacks for potential conversation stoppers, that internal dialog can cause you to miss a lot of what is going on around you. Being observant takes a lot of work but the payoff is well worth it.
Don’t Act Insane