Social Engineering - Christopher Hadnagy [62]
The term “kinesthetic” relates to tactile, visceral, and sense-of-self sensations of the body—basically, where a person’s body is in space and the self-awareness of how something made him feel. A kinesthetic thinker uses phrases such as:
“I can grasp that idea.”
“How does that grab you?”
“I’ll get in touch with you.”
“I just wanted to touch base.”
“How does this feel?”
And the range for this type can have the following sub-modalities:
Intensity (strong or weak)
Area (large or small)
Texture (rough or smooth)
Temperature (hot or cold)
Weight (heavy or light)
Helping a kinesthetic thinker recall a feeling or emotion tied to something can make those emotions reappear as real as the first time they occurred. Kinesthetic thinkers are probably the most difficult for non-kinesthetic thinkers to deal with because they do not react to sights and sounds and social engineers have to get in touch with their feelings to communicate with this type of thinker.
Understanding these basic principles can go a long way toward being able to quickly discern the type of person you are talking to. Again, without asking the target to picture his morning rituals how can you discern the dominant sense? Even more so, why is this so important?
Discerning the Dominant Sense
The key to determining someone’s dominant sense is to try to introduce yourself, start a small conversation, and pay close attention to what is being said. As you walk up to the target and lean in to say good morning, maybe she barely looks at you. She might be rude, or she just may not be a visual. Visuals need to look at the person speaking to communicate properly, so this behavior would seem to lend to the fact she is not visual. Now ask a simple question such as, “Don’t you just love the feel of a beautiful day like today?” and notice her response, particularly whether she seems to light up or not.
Maybe you wear a large, shiny silver ring. As you talk you gesture; maybe you see that the ring catches her eye. Does she reach out, interested, and need to hold the ring or get close to observe it? Kinesthetics are very touchy-feely when it comes to these things. I know a woman who is a strong kinesthetic and when she sees something she thinks is soft or high quality she must touch it. She will say, “Wow, that sweater looks so soft!” From that statement one might assume she is a visual, but what happens next is what solidifies it. She then walks up to the person and touches the sweater and feels it. This shows her dominant sense is kinesthetic. The same woman must touch everything in the grocery store when she shops, whether she needs it or not. By touching the objects, she makes a connection and that connection makes it real to her. Often she cannot remember things very well that she did not come into physical contact with.
Asking questions that contain some of the key dominant words, observing a target’s reactions, and listening can reveal what dominant sense he or she uses. Listening for key words such as see, look, bright, dark can lead you to treat a target like a visual. As mentioned earlier this is not an exact science. There isn’t a general rule that states if a person says, “I can see what you are saying…” then he is always a visual. Each clue should lead you down the path toward verifying your hunch with more questions or statements. One word of caution: talking to someone in a different mode than they think in can be irritating to some. Using questions to determine a person’s mode of thinking can be off-putting. Use questions sparingly and rely more on observation.
Why Understanding the Mode Is Important
I once worked with a guy, Tony, who could sell a cup of water to a drowning man. Tony was a big believer in seeking out and then using a person’s dominant sense in sales. He had a few methods that he used that you may learn from. When he first engaged the target he had a very shiny silver-and-gold pen he would hold in his