Social Engineering - Christopher Hadnagy [90]
Listen actively, as described earlier.
When it’s time to respond, be aware of your emotions. Knowing what you feel as the target is speaking can help you to react properly.
Repeat the content, not like a parrot, but in your words.
Start your response with a non-committal phrase such as, “It sounds like,” “It seems like,” or “It appears that.” These phrases ease the message you are trying to deliver. If you need proof of this, the next time you get into an argument with your mate, boss, parents, or whomever say, “You are mad at me because…” and compare the person’s reaction with what you get when you say “It appears you are mad because of…” instead. You will see which one is taken better.
Reflective responding used with active listening is a very deadly force in the trust and rapport-building skills arena.
As you learn to listen better and it becomes part of your nature you will enhance your ability to react to the message you hear. A social engineer’s goal is to gather information, gain access to someplace or something you should not have access to, or cause the target to take an action he should not take. Thinking that you must be perfect at manipulation often stops people from learning and practicing great listening skills, but this is the exact reason you need to be a great listener.
Consider these two scenarios:
One of your neighbors comes over and asks whether you have time to help him with a project in his garage for about an hour. This neighbor has a dog that has gotten into your garbage a few times and tends to like to use your yard as a bathroom. You are just about to sit down to relax at the end of a long day and watch some TV or read a book.
Your childhood friend comes over and tells you that he needs some help moving some furniture. He just got a place about five miles from you and he can’t get the couch up the stairs. You are just about to sit down to relax a bit.
For which scenario are you more likely to put aside relaxing? Most people will put aside relaxing for the second scenario, but will come up with an excuse or reason to not help out in the first scenario or at least try to postpone it to another day when they are not “busy.”
Why? People are very open and free with friends. When you feel comfortable with someone, you have no boundaries and will put aside your own wants and needs at times to help them out. One naturally trusts the message coming from a friend, whereas with the stranger one might start to double-guess what’s being said, trying to determine whether it is truthful or not. In the case of the relationship with the friend, this connection is called rapport.
For years rapport has only been talked about when it comes to salespeople, negotiators, and the like. Rapport isn’t just for salespeople; it is a tool that anyone can use, especially the social engineer. If you are wondering how to build rapport instantly, then read on.
Building Instant Rapport
My former coworker, Tony, used to say that building rapport was more important than breathing. I don’t really believe that to be true, but it does have a ring of truth in that rapport building is vital.
Wikipedia defines rapport as, “One of the most important features or characteristics of unconscious human interaction. It is commonality of perspective: being ‘in sync’ with, or being ‘on the same wavelength’ as the person with whom you are talking.”
Why is rapport discussed in this chapter? It is a key element in developing a relationship with any person. Without rapport you are at an impasse. Within the psychological principles behind social engineering, rapport is one of the pillars.
Before getting into the aspects of how to use rapport as a social engineer you must know how to build rapport. Building rapport is an important tool in a social engineer’s arsenal.
Imagine that you could make people you meet want to talk to you, want to tell you their life story, and want to confide in you. Have you ever met someone like that, someone you met recently but