Social Engineering - Christopher Hadnagy [92]
Keep the Conversation off Yourself
We all love to talk about ourselves and even more so if we feel we have a great story or account to share—it is human nature. Talking about yourself is one way to kill rapport. Let the other person talk about himself until he gets tired of it; you will be deemed an “amazing friend,” a “perfect husband,” “great listener,” “perfect sales guy,” or whatever other title you are seeking. People feel good when they can talk about themselves; I guess we are all a little narcissistic, but by letting the other person do the talking you will leave that interaction with his liking you a lot more.
Keep the conversation off yourself. This point is especially cogent for social engineers. You have a definite goal in mind and sometimes your judgment and direction can be clouded by what “you” want. Taking that focus off of the target is dangerous as far as success goes. Let targets talk about their jobs, roles, and projects, and be amazed at how much information they release.
Remember That Empathy Is Key to Rapport
Empathy—defined by Random House Dictionary as “the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another”— is lacking in many people today and is especially hard to feel if you think you have the solution to someone’s problem. However, really listening to what someone is saying, trying to identify and understand the underlying emotions, and then using reflection skills can make a person feel as if you are really in tune with him.
I felt it necessary to provide the definition of empathy because understanding what it is you have to do is important. Notice that you must “intellectually identify” with and then experience “the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes” of someone else.
These aren’t always serious, depressing, or extreme emotions. Even understanding why someone is irritated, tired, or not in the best mood can go a long way. Imagine you go to the bank drive through and the teller lady gives you a monster attitude because you forgot to sign your check and she now has to send it back. You also forgot a pen and need to ask her for yet another favor. Your reaction might be similar to mine, especially if she gave you the eye roll and the irritated glance—you want to tell her that she is here to serve you. Instead, try saying this, “It appears you might be a little irritated. I understand that; I get irritated when I have to deal with my forgetful clients, too. I hate to ask this, but could I please get a pen?”
It’s important to not be patronizing when attempting to show empathy. If your empathy seems to come off haughty or arrogant, you can make the target feel like you are patronizing them.
You acknowledged her being upset but without accusation, showed that you have the same feelings, and then made a request. Empathy can go a long way toward building rapport; one caveat is that rapport cannot be faked. People need to feel you are genuinely concerned to build that trust relationship. If you are not a natural at displaying empathy, then practice. Practice with your family, friends, coworkers, teachers, or classmates. However and wherever you do it, practicing being empathetic will greatly improve your relationship-building skills.
Empathy is a tool of the social engineer. Unfortunately, it is also used often in malicious social engineering. When a catastrophe hits somewhere in the world a malicious social engineer is often there to “empathize” with you. The thing that probably makes this tool so easy for malicious social engineers to use in many cases is because they truly are from bad, poor, or impoverished places. Being in bad straits themselves makes appearing empathetic to others’ plights in life easy and therefore creates rapport automatically.
Nothing builds rapport more when people feel like you “get them.” This is proven very true when someone is a victim of disaster. It’s a scary thought, but those who have been victims