Something Borrowed - Emily Giffin [125]
"What about Darcy?" I ask.
"I care about her. I want her to be happy. I saw marrying Darcy as the right thing to do. We've been together for seven years and most of the time we've been pretty happy. I didn't want to hurt her."
I don't want to hurt her either, I think.
He continues. "But that was before you. And I just can't marry her feeling this way about you. I can't do it. I love you. And this is only the beginning… If you still love me."
There is so much I want to say, but somehow I am speechless.
"Say something."
I force a question from my lips. "Did you tell her about us?"
"Not about us. But I told her that I wasn't in love with her and that it wasn't fair to marry her."
"What did she say?" I ask. I need to know every detail before I can believe this is real.
"She asked if there was someone else. I told her no… that it just didn't feel right between us."
"How is she?"
"She's upset. But mostly she's just upset about the damn wedding and what people are going to think. I swear that is what bothers her the most."
"Where is she now?" I ask. "She hasn't left me any messages."
"She went to Claire's, I think."
"I'm sure she thinks that you'll change your mind."
I am thinking this too. He will change his mind and when he does, it will be all the more cruel.
"No," he says. "She understands that I mean it. I called my parents and told them. And she and I are calling her parents together tonight. She says she wants me to tell them… and then we'll call everyone else." There is a catch in his voice, and for a second I wonder if he might cry.
I say that I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say. I can't digest this information quickly enough. I want to kiss him, to thank him, to smile. But I can't. It doesn't seem appropriate.
He nods, runs his hands through his hair, and then returns them to his lap. "It's hard, but I feel this tremendous load lifted. It's the right thing."
He looks at me, and I hold his gaze before I kiss him. As his arms encircle me, I think, This is real. Then I slowly relax into him, feeling happy and whole for the first time in what feels like forever. There was always a deep calm missing before, even during our July Fourth weekend together. We now have time. All kinds of time. Maybe even forever.
I wonder what it will be like without Darcy in the picture. Will making love be different? I am about to find out because Dex is unbuttoning my shirt. My heart is pounding as we move over to my bed, where we undress.
"I missed you, Rachel," he says. I can feel his heart beating against mine.
And then Jose interrupts, buzzing me, once, twice. I go to answer him, assuming that it is a package or dry cleaning, or something that he forgot to tell me about. I will tell him that I will get whatever it is later. But it is not a package. It is Darcy. And she has heard my voice over the intercom.
"Tell her I will be right down!" I say.
"Already on her way up!" Jose practically sings the news. Clearly he has no idea that Darcy's arrival means that my first guest and I are screwed. Then again, maybe he does know. Maybe doormen, even the ones who pretend to be your friend, secretly delight in any tenant drama.
"Oh shit!" I say, standing up and looking around. "She's coming up! Shit!"
Dex is calm, puts his boxers back on. He walks swiftly over to my linen closet and opens the door, carrying his jeans and T-shirt. The shelves line the closet the whole way to the bottom. No good.
"Get in the other one. The other closet!" I point, frantic and wild-eyed.
He walks around the corner and opens my other closet. There is room in this one. He crouches next to my hamper, holding his clothes. I shut the closet door just as I hear her knock.
"Coming!" I shout.
I throw my underwear back on and open the door. "Sorry. I was just changing."
"Omigod.