Something Borrowed - Emily Giffin [52]
Seconds later, I blink. He flashes a quick, jubilant smile and then kisses me more. He changes the intensity and pressure and amount of tongue, the kissing ideals that are all too often abandoned once in a long-term relationship. Kissing Dex would never become stale. He would never stop kissing me like this.
"Tell me about Suzanne," I say when we finally separate. "And your high school girlfriend."
"Alice?" He laughs, sweeps a piece of my hair behind my ear. "What about her? Ancient history."
Everyone knows that you don't discuss exes when you're in a fledgling relationship. Even though you are dying to know those details from the very beginning, that is something you bring up much later in the game. You don't have to be a Rules Girl like Claire to have that concept down. Dating someone new is a fresh start for both of you. No good can come from rehashing past—and by definition failed—relationships. But compared to the fact that he is engaged, ex-girlfriends are an innocuous topic. There is no need to strategize here in my safe studio. The rules don't apply. It might be the only advantage to our situation.
"Were you in love with them?" For some reason I need to know.
He rolls onto his back and stares at the ceiling, concentrating. I like that he thinks about my questions, just as he did during law-school exams. I remember him staring into space for the first forty-five minutes of an exam. Not writing a word on his blue book until he thought through his entire answer.
He clears his throat. "Not with Alice. But yes with Suzanne."
No wonder Suzanne has always bothered Darcy so much. She wants to be the only one he has ever loved. I remember how she used to beat down Blaine in high school: "You didn't love Cassandra, did you? Did you?" Until he finally just said no. Only you, Darcy.
"Why not with Alice?" I ask. I'd rather hear about the one he didn't love first.
"I don't know. She was a sweet girl. As sweet as they come. I don't know why I didn't love her. It's something you can't really control."
Dex is right. It has nothing to do with the other person's inherent worth, the sum of their fine attributes. It is something you can't will yourself to feel. Or not feel. Although I have done a pretty good job of it over the years. Just look at Joey. I dated him for two years and never felt even a fraction of what I'm feeling now.
"Of course, it was just high school," he continues. "How serious can you really be at that age?"
I nod, thinking of sweet little Brandon. Then I ask Dex about Suzanne. "So you loved her?"
"Yeah. But that wasn't going to work in the long run. She's Jewish and was very up-front about her expectations of me. She wanted me to convert, raise our kids Jewish, the whole nine yards. And maybe I would have been okay with that… I'm not very religious… but I wasn't okay with the fact that she made it a bright-line rule. I saw a life of her browbeating me into shit. Just like her mother does to her father. Besides, we were too young to commit… It still killed me when she walked, though."
"Is she married now?"
"Funny you ask that. I actually just heard from a mutual friend that she got engaged. About a month after—" He stops, looks uncomfortable.
"After you did?"
"Yeah," he whispers. He pulls me against him and kisses me hard, erasing any thoughts of Darcy. We undress and slide under the covers.
"You're cold," he says.
"I'm always cold when I'm nervous."
"Why are you nervous? Don't be nervous."
"Dex," I say into his neck.
"Yeah, Rach?"
"Nothing."
His body covers mine. I am not cold anymore.
We kiss for a long time, touching everywhere.
I don't know the time, but it is just getting dark.
I almost stop him, for all of the obvious reasons. But also because I'm thinking we should wait until we can spend a night together. Then again, that might never happen. And likely I will