Something Borrowed - Emily Giffin [8]
You know, the maid of honor in your upcoming wedding—the woman you had sex with last night?
"Hi, Rachel," he says casually. "So did you have fun last night?"
For a second, I think that he is talking about us and am horrified by his nonchalance. But then I hear Darcy clamoring for the phone in the background and realize that he is only talking about the party.
"Oh yeah, it was a great time—a great party." I bite my lip.
Darcy has already snatched the phone from him. Her tone is chipper, fully repaired. "Hey. I'm sorry I forgot to call you back. You know, it was high drama over here for a while."
"But you're okay now? Everything's all right with you—and Dex?" I have trouble saying his name. As if it will somehow give me away.
"Um, yeah, hold on one sec."
I hear her close a door; she always moves into their bedroom when she talks on the phone. I picture their four-poster bed, which I helped Darcy select from Charles P. Rogers. Soon to be their marital bed.
"Oh yeah, I'm fine now. He was just with Marcus. They stayed out late and then ended up going to the diner for breakfast. But of course, you know, I'm still working the pissed-off angle. I told him he's totally pathetic, that he's a thirty-four-year-old engaged man and he stays out all night. Pathetic, don't you think?"
"Yeah, I guess so. But harmless enough." I swallow hard and think, yes, that would be harmless enough. "Well, I'm glad you guys made up."
"Yeah. I'm over it, I guess. But still… he should have called. That shit does not fly with me, you know?"
"I hear you," I say, and then bravely add, "I told you he wasn't cheating on you."
"I know… but I still pictured him with some stripper bimbo from Scores or something. My overactive imagination."
Is that what last night was? I know I'm not a bimbo, but was it some conscious choice of his to get laid before the wedding? Surely not. Surely he wouldn't choose Darcy's maid of honor.
"So anyway, what did you think of the party? I'm such a bad friendI get wasted and leave early. And, oh shit! Today's your actual birthday. Happy birthday! God, I'm the worst, Rach!"
Yeah, you're the bad friend.
"Oh, it was great. The party was so much fun. Thank you for planning it—it was a total surprise… really awesome…"
I hear their bedroom door open and Dex say something about being late.
"Yeah, I actually gotta run, Rachel. We're going to the movies. You wanna come?"
"Um, no, thanks."
"Okay. But we're still on for dinner tonight, right? Rain at eight?"
I totally forgot that I had plans to meet Dex, Darcy, and Hillary for a small birthday dinner. There is no way I can face Dex or Darcy tonightand certainly not together. I tell her that I'm not sure I'm up to it, that I am really hungover. Even though I stopped drinking at two, I add, before I remember that liars offer too much extraneous detail.
Darcy doesn't notice. "Maybe you'll feel better later… I'll call you after the movie."
I hang up the phone, thinking that it was way too easy. But instead of feeling relieved, I am left with a vague dissatisfaction, wistfulness, wishing that I were going to the movies. Not with Dex, of course. Just someone. How quickly I turn my back on the deal with God. I want a husband again. Or at least a boyfriend.
I sit on the couch with my hands folded in my lap, contemplating what I did to Darcy, waiting for the guilt to come. It doesn't. Was it because I had alcohol as an excuse? I was drunk, not in my right mind. I think of my first-year Criminal Law class. Intoxication, like insanity, infancy, duress, and entrapment, is a legal excuse, a defense where the defendant is not blameworthy for having engaged in conduct that would otherwise be a crime. Shit. That was only involuntary intoxication. Well, Darcy made me do those shots. But peer pressure does not constitute involuntary intoxication. Still, it is a mitigating circumstance that the jury might consider.
Sure, blame the victim. What is wrong with me?
Maybe I am just a bad person. Maybe the only reason I have been good up