Something Old - Dianne L. Christner [28]
She’d only had one experience around a drunkard. The incident had happened during a dark time in her life when she hadn’t seen Jake for several months. Megan had let it slip about the rumors that he’d gone wild at college. About the worldly girl he was dating. Then Katy had pressed Lil about it. Lil had yelled at Megan for letting the cat out of the bag, and it had been a big fiasco. But in the end, Katy had found out that the rumors were true.
Jake…dating an outsider. Katy jerked the hairbrush through her tangles. Her name was Jessie, and she had short, spiked, black hair. She wore miniskirts and tall boots. Thinking about Jake and that woman brought back the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach that she’d felt at the dance studio. She’d learned Jake had started drinking, too. She’d experienced that firsthand. And who knew what else he’d done? At that point, she always forcefully disengaged her imagination.
She’d been so angry when she’d found out about Jake’s behavior, that the next day she’d thrown the dusting can and cracked her bedroom window. She’d been ashamed afterward, but her parents had understood her hurt and never confronted her about her angry fit. In fact, they encouraged her to forget about Jake Byler.
For many weeks after that, she hadn’t been able to sleep. That’s when she had started keeping a journal of cleaning tips, even going to the library and studying about home remedies. She’d put her energies into her work, but she’d never gotten over Jake.
His shame was her shame. Then one day she wrote his name on a sheet of paper. Beneath it she wrote Leviticus 4:27—“If any one of the common people sin through ignorance, while he doeth somewhat against any of the commandments of the LORD concerning things which ought not to be done, and be guilty.” Then she wrote in large script across his name: guilty and forbidden.
She drew a line. Beneath it, she listed the qualities of the man she hoped to one day marry. She kept this paper in her Bible so that she could refer to it on those days when she thought she would die from the ache in her heart. It stirred up her convictions to forget Jake and hope for someone who was worthy of her love.
After that, Jake had stayed away from church for several months. Until the fateful incident. It happened one weekend when he’d come home for his mom’s birthday. Katy had come out of church on a Sunday night. She had been standing beside her car when she saw his truck enter the parking lot. He pulled up alongside her car and jumped out to talk to her. He’d told her he’d come to pick up his mom. His breath stank from beer, and she’d tried to get in her car to avoid him, but he’d grabbed her arm and pinned her hard against the car. She asked him to stop. But instead, he’d pressed his body against hers. She’d screamed at him to go away, but he’d forced his rank mouth against hers, pinned her head to the car’s window, and kissed her.
Afterward, she’d slapped him. He’d stepped back, stunned. She’d yelled at him to stay away. And crying, she’d left him standing in the parking lot, staring after her. Honoring her demand, he had never returned to church.
She’d felt ashamed and violated. Yet now that time had passed, she also felt guilty. She worried that if he never returned to the church, it was her fault. Mennonites were supposed to be nonresistant and forgiving. But she didn’t know how to do that when her heart felt so broken. When the man she loved had treated her with such disrespect.
And now he was back? She felt like the unknown would choke her. She slapped her brush down hard on the dresser.
Karen lowered her book. “What’s the matter with you tonight?”
“It’s just been a hard day.”
“What are those kids like?”
Drawing back the quilt, Katy climbed in bed. “They squabble a lot.”
“That’s normal.” Karen clicked off the lamp.
The image of