Sons and Lovers (Barnes & Noble Classics - D. H. Lawrence [128]
Miriam brooded over his split with her. There was something else he wanted. He could not be satisfied; he could give her no peace. There was between them now always a ground for strife. She wanted to prove him. She believed that his chief need in life was herself. If she could prove it, both to herself and to him, the rest might go; she could simply trust to the future.
So in May she asked him to come to Willey Farm and meet Mrs. Dawes. There was something he hankered after. She saw him, whenever they spoke of Clara Dawes, rouse and get slightly angry. He said he did not like her. Yet he was keen to know about her. Well, he should put himself to the test. She believed that there were in him desires for higher things, and desires for lower, and that the desire for the higher would conquer. At any rate, he should try. She forgot that her “higher” and “lower” were arbitrary.
He was rather excited at the idea of meeting Clara at Willey Farm. Mrs. Dawes came for the day. Her heavy, dun-coloured hair was coiled on top of her head. She wore a white blouse and navy skirt, and somehow, wherever she was, seemed to make things look paltry and insignificant. When she was in the room, the kitchen seemed too small and mean altogether. Miriam’s beautiful twilighty parlour looked stiff and stupid. All the Leivers were eclipsed like candles. They found her rather hard to put up with. Yet she was perfectly amiable, but indifferent, and rather hard.
Paul did not come till afternoon. He was early. As he swung off his bicycle, Miriam saw him look round at the house eagerly. He would be disappointed if the visitor had not come. Miriam went out to meet him, bowing her head because of the sunshine. Nasturtiums were coming out crimson under the cool green shadow of their leaves. The girl stood, dark-haired, glad to see him.
“Hasn’t Clara come?” he asked.
“Yes,” replied Miriam in her musical tone. “She’s reading.”
He wheeled his bicycle into the barn. He had put on a handsome tie, of which he was rather proud, and socks to match.
“She came this morning?” he asked.
“Yes,” replied Miriam, as she walked at his side. “You said you’d bring me that letter from the man at Liberty’s. Have you remembered ?”
“Oh, dash, no!” he said. “But nag at me till you get it.”
“I don’t like to nag at you.”
“Do it whether or not. And is she any more agreeable?” he continued.
“You know I always think she is quite agreeable.”
He was silent. Evidently his eagerness to be early to-day had been the newcomer. Miriam already began to suffer. They went together towards the house. He took the clips off his trousers, but was too lazy to brush the dust from his shoes, in spite of the socks and tie.
Clara sat in the cool parlour reading. He saw the nape of her white neck, and the fine hair lifted from it. She rose, looking at him indifferently. To shake hands she lifted her arm straight, in a manner that seemed at once to keep him at a distance, and yet to fling something to him. He noticed how her breasts swelled inside her blouse, and how her shoulder curved handsomely under the thin muslin at the top of her arm.
“You have chosen a fine day,” he said.
“It happens so,” she said.
“Yes,” he said; “I am glad.”
She sat down, not thanking him for his politeness.
“What have you been doing all morning?” asked Paul of Miriam.
“Well, you see,” said Miriam, coughing huskily, “Clara only came with father—and so—she’s not been here very long.”
Clara sat leaning on the table, holding aloof. He noticed her hands were large, but well kept. And the skin on them seemed almost coarse, opaque, and white, with fine golden hairs. She did not mind if he observed her hands. She intended to scorn him. Her heavy arm lay negligently on the table. Her mouth was closed as if she were offended, and she kept her face slightly averted.
“You were at Margaret Bonford’s meeting the other evening,” he said to her.8
Miriam did not know this courteous Paul. Clara glanced at him.
“Yes,”