Sophie's Choice - William Styron [310]
“Wanda asked in this matter-of-fact way, ‘Who were these people?’
“ ‘The O.N.R. they call themselves. But I had the same difficulty yesterday with another Polish Resistance group.’ He looked at Wanda, filled with this rage and despair, and said, ‘Three pistols I get, and sneers and laughter, to hold off twenty thousand Nazi troops. In the name of God, what is happening?’
“Wanda was getting very agitated at Feldshon, I could tell, just enraged at everything—at life. ‘The O.N.R., that bunch of collaborators. Fanatics, Fascists. As a Jew, you could have received more sympathy from the Ukrainians or Hans Frank. But let me give you a further word of warning. The Communists are just as bad. Worse. If you ever meet the Red partisans under General Korczynski, you risk being shot on sight.’
“ ‘It’s unspeakable!’ Feldshon said. ‘I’m grateful for the three pistols, but can’t you see how it makes me want to laugh? There is something beyond belief going on here! Did you ever read Lord Jim? About the officer who deserts the sinking ship, taking to a lifeboat while the helpless passengers are left to their fate? Forgive me this reference, but I can’t help seeing the same thing here. We are being left to drown by our countrymen!’
“I saw Wanda get up and put her fingertips on the table and lean a little toward Feldshon. Again she was trying to control herself, but I could tell it was hard. She looked so pale and exhausted. And she began to talk in this desperate voice. ‘Feldshon, you’re either stupid or naïve or both. It seems doubtful that someone who appreciates Conrad is stupid, so you must be naïve. Surely you haven’t forgotten the simple fact that Poland is an anti-Semitic country. You yourself just used the word “oppressor.” Living in a nation which practically invented anti-Semitism, living in a ghetto, which we Poles originated, how could you expect any help from your compatriots? How could you expect anything except from a few of us who for whatever reason—idealism, moral conviction, simple human solidarity, whatever—want to do what we can to save some of your lives? My God, Feldshon, your parents probably left Poland with you to get Jew-haters off their backs. Poor creatures, they certainly couldn’t have known that that warm, assimilating, Jew-loving, humanistic bosom of Germany would turn to fire and ice and cast you out. They couldn’t have known that when you returned to Poland, there would be the same Jew-haters waiting for you and your wife and daughter, ready to grind all of you into the dust. This is a cruel country, Feldshon. It has grown so cruel over the years because it has so many times tasted defeat. Despite the Dreck that’s been written in the Gospels, adversity produces not understanding and compassion, but cruelty. And defeated people like the Poles know how to be supremely cruel to other people who have set themselves apart, like you Jews. I’m surprised you got away from that O.N.R. bunch with just being called a kike!’ She stopped for a second, then said, ‘Do you find it strange, then, that I still love this country more than I care to say—more than life itself—and that if I had to I would willingly die for it ten minutes from now?’
“Feldshon glared back at Wanda and said, ‘I’m afraid I want to, but of course I can’t, being ready to die myself.’
“I was getting worried about Wanda. I had never seen her so tired, I guess you would say unstrung. She had been working so hard, eating so little, going without sleep. Her voice would crack every now and then, and I saw her fingers tremble where she had them pressed against the table. She closed her eyes, clenched them shut, and shivered, swaying a little. I thought she might