Sophie's Choice - William Styron [312]
“We all bent forward to look. At first I couldn’t make out what it was, just a jumble of sticks—a great mass of sticks like small tree limbs. Then I saw what it was—this unbearable sight, a boxcar full of dead children, scores of them, maybe a hundred, all of them in these stiff and jumbled positions that could only come from being frozen to death. The other photographs were the same—other boxcars with scores of children, all stiff and frozen.
“ ‘These are not Jewish children,’ Wanda said, ‘these are little Polish children, none of them over twelve years old. They’re some of the little rats who didn’t make it in the burning building. These pictures were taken by Home Army members who broke into these boxcars on a siding somewhere between Zamość and Lublin. There are several hundred in these pictures, from one train alone. There were other trains that were put on sidings where the children either starved or froze to death, or both. This is just a sample. The others who died number in the thousands.’
“No one spoke. I could just hear all of us breathing, but no one spoke. Finally Wanda began to talk, and for the first time her voice was truly choked and unsteady—you could almost feel the exhaustion in it, and the grief. ‘We still don’t know exactly where these children came from but we think we know who they are. It is believed that they are the rejected ones from the Germanization program, the Lebensborn program. We think they came from the region around Zamość. I’ve been told that they were among the thousands who were taken from their parents but not considered racially suitable and so consigned for disposal—meaning extermination—at Maidanek or Auschwitz. But they didn’t get there. In due time the train, like a lot of others, was diverted onto sidings where the children were allowed to die in the condition you see here. Others starved to death, still more suffocated in hermetically sealed cars. Thirty thousand Polish children have disappeared from the Zamość region alone. Thousands and thousands of these have died. This is mass murder too, Feldshon.’ She ran her hands over her eyes, then said, ‘I was going to tell you of the adults, the thousands of innocent men and women slaughtered in Zamość alone. But I won’t. I’m very tired, suddenly I feel very dizzy. These children are enough.’
“Wanda was swaying a little. I remember catching her by the elbow and trying to pull her gently down, make her sit down. But she kept talking in the candlelight, in this flat monotonous voice now, as in a trance. ‘The Nazis hate you the most, Feldshon, and you will suffer the most by far, but they’re not going to stop with the Jews. Do you think when they finish with you Jews they’re going to dust off their hands and stop murdering and make their peace with the world? You underestimate their evil if you have such a delusion. Because once they finish you off they’re going to come and get me. Even though I’m half German. I imagine they will not let me off easy, before the end. Then they’re going to seize my pretty blond friend here and do with her what they’ve done to you. At the same time they will not spare her children, any more than they spared these little frozen ones you see right here.’ ”
In the darkening shoebox of a room in Washington, D.C., Sophie and I, almost without our being aware of it, had exchanged places, so that it was I who lay on the bed staring up at the ceiling while she stood by the window where I had first placed myself, brooding over the distant fire. She fell silent for a while and I could see the side of her face, which was deep in remembrance, her gaze resting on the smoky horizon. Amid the silence I heard the clucking and chortling of the pigeons on the ledge outside, a far-off blurred commotion where men struggled with the blaze. The church bell struck again: