Spin State - Chris Moriarty [151]
“Some people would say that being forced to examine one’s mistakes is a good thing.”
“Not when it’s too late to fix them.”
“It’s not too late. And they are fixing it.”
Li threw an exasperated look at Cohen. “That’s a story for schoolkids. They’re still killing each other down there. Christ, my own mother went to Ireland to fight. She had chronic vitamin A deficiency from living underground. Now why the hell would people fight to keep a country they can’t even survive in?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, I do. Because they like fighting. Too much to give it up, even when there’s nothing left to fight for.”
She walked farther into the darkness, eyes on the snowbound planet above them. “I don’t want you involved in this,” she said. “It’s not worth it. I don’t even know what I’m doing it for.”
“I do,” Cohen said. “I know everything.”
She started to turn around, but he put a soft hand on her shoulder to stop her. “I know about the gene work. I’ve known for years, Catherine. Or Caitlyn. Or whatever your name is. I dug that skeleton up long, long before Korchow tumbled to it.”
Li stood among the living shadows of his garden and thought of all the questions he carefully hadn’t asked, all the times he could have said he knew and hadn’t.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she whispered.
“Should I have? I wasn’t going to tell anyone else, and I certainly didn’t care, so what difference if I knew or not?”
“No.” She felt angry suddenly, betrayed and cheated. “I know you. You were waiting to see if I’d tell you myself. You were keeping it up your sleeve, using it like a goddamn caliper. How far does she trust me? How far is she going to let me in this time? It’s all just one big test for you!”
“That’s pure paranoia.”
“Is it?”
“And even if you’re right, so what? I certainly didn’t get an answer that made me happy. Just the same old thing. Li against the world, and anyone who touches you is going to get his hand chewed off and spat back in his face.”
“You know it’s not that way.”
“What way is it then?”
Li shrugged, suddenly tired.
“Tell me,” Cohen said.
“What is there to tell if you already know everything?”
“You have a choice, Catherine. What’s the worst that could happen to you? Losing your commission? Are you really ready to throw your life away for lousy pay and an even lousier pension?”
Li laughed. “I’ve been risking my life for that lousy pension every day of the last fifteen years. What’s so special about this time?”
“This time it’s treason. Listen, Catherine. I meant what I said the other day about offering you a job.”
“I’m not a hanger-on, Cohen. Joining your primate collection doesn’t appeal to me.”
“It wouldn’t be like that. Not with you.”
“Don’t tell me bedtime stories,” she said, and stared at him until his eyes finally fell away from hers.
“Have you thought about Metz?” he asked. “You said it yourself. Whoever wired Sharifi would have had to plan it for years, get hold of the genesets, splice them, tank them. What are the odds that Sharifi and the officer investigating her death would have been tanked in the same lab, from the same geneset? What are the odds that we end up like this, with you playing Sharifi’s part, me stepping into the field AI’s shoes?”
“No,” Li whispered.
“Why not? If Korchow uncovered your secret, why couldn’t Nguyen uncover it too?”
“She doesn’t know. No one knows.”
“How sure are you of that?”
“I’d bet my life on it.”
“That’s exactly what you’re about to do, isn’t it?”
The moon had set while they were talking, and there was a cold breeze blowing. Li looked into the black shadows under the trees and shivered.
“Let me help you,” Cohen said, pleading with her.
“No.”
“That’s it? Just no?”
“Just no.”
Cohen came around to look into her face. Even in the faint light, he looked spent and defeated, a gambler who had put the one thing he couldn’t afford to lose on the table and watched the house take every hand. “If it’s about money—”
“It’s not about money. It’s about my life. About what I’ve earned. And what